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What’s shown here may be reminiscent of what real police officers have seen on the job. I’m not sure the show’s message is strong enough to justify depicting it.
Kevin Haddock is lost in the past.
No, literally.
Granted, even before Kevin began jumping through time from one ancient civilization to another, everyone would describe him that way. The history-obsessed boy would bore his parents to death talking about the Greeks this and the Mayans that. It’s no wonder that, for his birthday, he forced his family to take him to see Woodhenge, a “Neolithic precursor to Stonehenge.”
But then, the Time Bandits burst out of his wardrobe, hastily explaining that Kevin’s room just so happened to be located on a “transtemporal portal” that they were using to escape the Supreme Being—a floating head who soon follows them into the room, demanding they return the map they stole (and the very item which allows them to find said transtemporal portals).
Of course, they don’t. Instead, they push down Kevin’s bedroom wall, revealing another time portal in the void. And stuck between a time portal and (as Time Bandits would suggest) literal God, Kevin follows the Time Bandits into the portal.
That’s how Kevin joined the group of ragtag bandits as they used the map to jump through time, looking to rob history’s riches. Of course, Kevin doesn’t care much for stealing, but seeing ancient cultures he’s only read about is a treasure he’s sure to appreciate.
But it’s not only the Supreme Being who longs to catch the rogue bandits; the evil one known as Wrongness gets word from his spies that the Supreme Being’s map has been taken, and Wrongness would very much like to have such a powerful artifact in his own possession. And if he gets his clawed hands on it…
Let’s just say that he’d use it to do far worse with it than steal shiny trinkets.
As a certain purple mad titan once said:
“Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same.”
Dread is certainly the word most fans use when they hear that a beloved movie is destined to get a modern adaptation, reboot or sequel. Perhaps at one point, people were excited to see their favorite characters romp across the screen once more. But more and more, the consensus among fans is fear that such things will only sully the happy memories they have of the original.
Time Bandits is the latest release to get the adaptation treatment. The biggest question for fans of the original 1981 release, then, is what changes have been made?
Perhaps the most immediately noticeable change centers on the Time Bandits themselves. No longer are they a group of male dwarves. Now, they’re a smaller group of average-sized people, all with different names from the original. The historical locations visited are different from the film, too. Gone is the dry British humor typical of a Monty Python film, replaced with director Taika Waititi’s sarcastic quips and distinct humor style. And his version of God/Supreme Being is far more fleshed out…with few of those additions not being very benevolent.
To its credit, the core plot of the original movie stays relatively the same: God and Satan/Wrongness both attempt to get the map from Kevin and the treasure-loving arrogant Time Bandits. And the up-and-coming actor Kal-El Tuck (named after Superman) does a stellar job as Kevin.
But time hasn’t quite sweetened the content within Time Bandits. The spiritual buffoonery feels weird at best and objectionable at worst. Some violence, though bloodless, can press the bounds of a PG rating (such as a brief shot of one man’s mangled leg following a nasty fall). And though kept infrequent, light swearing and misuses of Jesus’ name occasionally pop up, too (even if they’re relatively less common than the original).
And those are some issues we’d rather leave in the past.
(Editor’s Note: Plugged In is rarely able to watch every episode of a given series for review. As such, there’s always a chance that you might see a problem that we didn’t. If you notice content that you feel should be included in our review, send us an email at [email protected], or contact us via Facebook or Instagram, and be sure to let us know the episode number, title and season so that we can check it out.)
Kevin follows the Time Bandits as they escape from the Supreme Being…and arrives in 1810 on the boat of an infamous Chinese pirate.
The Time Bandits reveal that they’re running from the Supreme Being, who arrives in bright white light and in a multi-headed vehicle. Kevin wonders if the Supreme Being might be God. Later, the bandits admit that they worked for the Supreme Being in the flora department before getting upset with the work conditions and fleeing with the map. Down in a hellish lava scape, Wrongness plots with a couple demons about how to gain control of the universe. He sends a demonic huntress to track Kevin down, whom she believes to be a soothsayer. Another woman reveals she accurately prophesies but no one believes her, which Kevin thought was simply a myth.
A man is crushed by a falling stone, and other men struggle to get their fingers out from under it. A soldier falls off a wall, and we see his leg twisted in an unnatural way as a result. Kevin narrowly avoids flying arrows, and one nicks his arm. Men get struck with flying cannonballs. Kevin also knocks himself unconscious when he runs into a wall. He tells of how Mayans allegedly played soccer with the heads of their enemies.
Someone describes the hue of a light as “a bit sexy.” Wrongness desires to move the eyes of humans to their rear ends. Bandits drink from flasks.
“D–n” is used once, and “bloody” is heard twice. God’s name is used in vain twice.
Kennedy Unthank studied journalism at the University of Missouri. He knew he wanted to write for a living when he won a contest for “best fantasy story” while in the 4th grade. What he didn’t know at the time, however, was that he was the only person to submit a story. Regardless, the seed was planted. Kennedy collects and plays board games in his free time, and he loves to talk about biblical apologetics. He thinks the ending of Lost “wasn’t that bad.”
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