Crime
Dope Thief
Dope Thief comes with all the drugs, language and violence that you probably expect in a such an aptly named show.
Goldie is a big girl. And I mean big.
She towers over trees. She looms over houses. She and King Kong could borrow each other’s clothes (if Kong wore any). And if she has a good cry? Well, the hamlet of Boysenburg has plenty of extra canoes on hand if it comes to that.
But a little flooding is a small price to pay for having such a big—and kind—neighbor.
Goldie’s backstory is not that complicated. She just kind of arrived. A stork just dropped baby Goldie into a tree one day, and there she was. Raised by a bird named Romeo and somehow given a giant set of clothes, Goldie is now one of Boysenburg’s most noticeable residents. And they’re happy to have her.
“Even though our flood-management and construction bills have been through the roof, we’re glad you chose Boysenburg as your home,” the town’s mayor says.
And he means it. In fact, most everyone in town loves Goldie. Well, everyone except for the grouchy antique dealer, Mrs. Petunia. And even she admits that the girl has her uses.
No one is happier to have Goldie around than her two comparatively short compadres. Teeny and Petey think the world of Goldie, even though her massive size and sensitive disposition can make playdates a little tricky. When Goldie decided to get a really special gift for Teeny, for instance, she brought Teeny a yeti. (Note: Yetis and parties don’t mix well.)
But even if Goldie might make an (inherently) big mistake now and then, her heart’s always right on point. As Teeny says, Goldie’s the type of girl who’ll move mountains for you. Literally. “They really do look better over there,” Teeny says.
Apple TV+’s Goldie may star a big girl. But its problems—at least to this point—are very, very tiny.
Sure, the mayor wears a pink bowtie, which some will take as a sign of his romantic inclinations. Yes, the town of Boysenburg is routinely destroyed, which surely must result in astronomical property taxes. And really, never invite yetis to parties.
But those amount to the smallest of quibbles in a show that sports a heart as big as Goldie’s own.
Goldie cares about everyone she sees. And they care about her. Those who are alarmed by just how big she is are soon won over by Goldie’s kindness and creativity. “I know I’m a little different,” she explains to some visitors. “But that doesn’t mean you need to treat me any differently.” (This message of acceptance is underlined with her friends, as well: Petey’s in a wheelchair.)
Goldie even comes with a wonderful message about adoption. After all, the whole town adopted Goldie as its own—and it couldn’t be happier about it.
Moreover, Goldie isn’t just one of those sweet, sentimental shows that might teach great lessons to your kids but make adults roll their eyes. It’s fun, too: It comes with some of the whimsy we might find in, say, The Fairly OddParents, but with fewer problems and more soul.
Of course, all this could change. Goldie does not have a long track record as of this writing, and if it runs for several seasons, new problems could crop up.
But at this point, I hope it does run for several seasons. Goldie’s the type of show that I’d like to see more of.
(Editor’s Note: Plugged In is rarely able to watch every episode of a given series for review. As such, there’s always a chance that you might see a problem that we didn’t. If you notice content that you feel should be included in our review, send us an email at [email protected], or contact us via Facebook or Instagram, and be sure to let us know the episode number, title and season so that we can check it out. )
In the first part of the show’s 30-minute premiere, Goldie frets that she doesn’t have a suitable gift for her best friend, Teeny. Little does she know that the party is actually a surprise for Goldie. In the second segment, Goldie gets stuck in some cement in front of Mrs. Petunia’s antique shop. Mrs. Petunia is furious—until she realizes that maybe having a gigantic girl stuck in front of her shop might be a financial feature, not a bug.
First Segment: As she tries to find the perfect present for Teeny, Goldie takes a few wrong turns. She makes a sweater, but it’s “Goldie sized,” and it nearly buries Boysenburg’s mayor when he tries to put it on. She makes some stick-and-stone puppets (who insult Goldie for her lack of craftsmanship). She eventually brings a yeti to the party, who naturally stomps all over the gifts, eats all the cupcakes and starts popping balloons. A couple of characters lie in order to keep Goldie’s party a secret.
Teeny’s throwing a “Gotcha Day” party for Goldie. “A Gotcha Day is the anniversary of a day the person joins a family by adoption!” Teeny explains. “And Goldie, you’ve become part of our family!” The mayor and the rest of the town’s citizens gather to celebrate Goldie. When Goldie asks Teeny what she’d like for her birthday, Teeny rattles off aspirational presents such as “world peace,” “an end to world hunger” and “social justice.”
Second segment: When Goldie gets stuck in cement (and Teeny and Petey are unable to free her by chipping away at the concrete with spoons), she’s forced to stand out in the street all night. Romeo brings her a wrap to keep her warm, and Goldie sings a sweet song that also serves as an origin story. (Romeo raised Goldie. And in flashback, we see his efforts to feed Goldie worms—which she spits out off camera.)
Mrs. Petunia capitalizes on Goldie’s stuck state by encouraging people some surrounding towns to take pictures of the giant girl—for five bucks apiece. When Goldie gets loose (someone tries to attach a daisy to her leg hair, tickling her), the tourists are initially terrified. But when she rescues them from an out-of-control construction machine, they discover a new appreciation for the girl.
The machine does destroy a good bit of Boysenburg, however. People also throw antique pillows at Goldie and call her a “monster.” Petey says, “What in the—?” leaving the last part of the sentence incomplete.
Paul Asay has been part of the Plugged In staff since 2007, watching and reviewing roughly 15 quintillion movies and television shows. He’s written for a number of other publications, too, including Time, The Washington Post and Christianity Today. The author of several books, Paul loves to find spirituality in unexpected places, including popular entertainment, and he loves all things superhero. His vices include James Bond films, Mountain Dew and terrible B-grade movies. He’s married, has two children and a neurotic dog, runs marathons on occasion and hopes to someday own his own tuxedo. Feel free to follow him on Twitter @AsayPaul.
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