Drama
Alien: Earth
FX’s ‘Alien: Earth’ is just the latest graphically violent entry in the already graphically violent ‘Alien’ franchise.
You know, come to think of it, sometimes damsels deserve a little distress.
Take Madalena, current queen of ABC’s midseason medieval musical Galavant (a “four-week comedy extravaganza,” ABC crows, filling in while Once Upon a Time takes a winter sabbatical). Granted, she’s not exactly a damsel (which would imply some sort of purity on her part), nor is she in particular distress, living it up on the king’s dime, as it were. So maybe the word distress is more apropos for the men in her life.
For a while, she and the brave hero Galavant were an feudal item, sneaking off to roll in the proverbial (and probably literal) hay “thrice a day, more or less,” we’re told in a song. That ended the day the nefarious King Richard kidnapped the fair maiden and spirited her away to his castle to marry. But when Galavant takes the time to rescue his pretty paramour at the altar, she tells him to jump in the nearest loch. “I’m gonna go with the fame and fortune,” she says. “Seems like an easier life.”
For her, maybe. For King Richard, not so much. No matter how many jewels he gives her or petty kingdoms he crushes to impress her, Madalena keeps comparing him to her old, heroic flame. What is a dark-age despot to do? Get rid of Galavant, naturally. Best to lure the old boy to his castle for (ahem) keeps.
Galavant is the sort of show you hardly ever see on television, and there’s a reason for that. What risk-averse studio executive in his right mind would greenlight a fairy tale adventure full of satirical song-and-dance numbers? Yet here it is, as if someone dumped The Princess Bride, Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Family Guy in a big black cauldron, turned up the heat and served the slurry to viewers right out of the pot.
For some, the steaming stew seems to work. Critics have cooed over the show’s creativity and self-tweaking humor, and they seem to love Psych veteran Timothy Omundson as King Richard. Writes Lauren Piester for E!: “The Psych fans in us were excited. The Princess Bride fans in us were thrilled. The musical television fans in us were jumping up and down with pure joy, and none of those people were disappointed.”
Well, at least one was. Me.
Listen, I dig Omundson and love The Princess Bride as much as the next guy. But ABC, did you have to put so much naughtiness in there? As light and as silly as it is, Galavant makes Once Upon a Time look like a deep, introspective history lesson. And maybe there’s nothing wrong with that. But what could’ve been a really fun show suitable for the whole fam turns into a ribald TV-14 romp that may seem innocent at first but leaves you feeling dirty afterwards. It’s depressingly crass, really, as it ladles on unruly language, sexual shenanigans, voluminous vomiting, etc.
I like silly. I like musicals. I wanted to like this show. And in fairness, Galavant hardly breaks any sort of new tawdry TV territory here. But this show’s clearly courting Once Upon a Time fans (many of whom are quite young). And that means the producers will need more than a wheelbarrow and a holocaust cloak to rescue their curious concoction.
(Editor’s Note: Plugged In is rarely able to watch every episode of a given series for review. As such, there’s always a chance that you might see a problem that we didn’t. If you notice content that you feel should be included in our review, send us an email at letters@pluggedin.com, or contact us via Facebook or Instagram, and be sure to let us know the episode number, title and season so that we can check it out.)
Galavant is jilted by his wayward girlfriend, Madalena, and sinks into a year-long funk. Only when the jewel-bearing princess Isabella shows up and informs him that Madalena is wickedly unhappy with her hubby, King Richard, that the one-time hero decides to go a-heroing again.
When they were together, Galavant and Madalena are shown to have experienced carnal contact “thrice a day, more or less,” and we see a montage of them jumping into bed, kissing and pawing. Lots of sexual winking goes into the script’s examination of Richard’s forced “romance” with Madalena. There’s talk (in song) of them “doing it” on their wedding night, and then we see that Madalena (never mind her “vow of chastity”) is having an affair with the jester. (We see them flirt in front of the king and, later, she takes the young man into her bed. We’re told (again in song) that Madalena’s body was built for sin, with cleavage so large it could “hold a whole parade.” She’s shown adjusting herself (for the jester).
Galavant is kicked in the stomach and face. We hear that King Richard has slaughtered a great many people, including a number of his cooks. He sings about all the many grotesque ways he’d like to mince and mangle Galavant.
Galavant drinks heavily, and seems quite put out when his bedside bottle runs dry. There’s a body odor gag. And so on. Foul language includes “h—” and “d–n” (once or twice each), along with a fully bleeped putdown.
Paul Asay has been part of the Plugged In staff since 2007, watching and reviewing roughly 15 quintillion movies and television shows. He’s written for a number of other publications, too, including Time, The Washington Post and Christianity Today. The author of several books, Paul loves to find spirituality in unexpected places, including popular entertainment, and he loves all things superhero. His vices include James Bond films, Mountain Dew and terrible B-grade movies. He’s married, has two children and a neurotic dog, runs marathons on occasion and hopes to someday own his own tuxedo. Feel free to follow him on Twitter @AsayPaul.
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