Agatha All Along

Episode Reviews

Sept. 18, 2024—S1, E1: “Seekest Thou the Road”

Agnes works as a disgraced, hardboiled detective in the town of Westview, called back in to solve a murder that only she can solve. But it’s a puzzler, to be sure: The corpse looks like it was just dropped at the side of a river—no footprints or anything. The FBI has taken an interest in the case, sending in Agent Vidal, a woman with whom Agnes has a complicated history. And then, there’s the kid who broke into Agatha’s house looking for … what? Is it connected to the murder? Who is this dead Jane Doe anyway? And why does Agnes despise Agent Vidal so much? Agnes has no idea, until …

She remembers who she is. Agatha Harkness. She’s spent three years trapped in Westview. And the corpse she finds? None other than Wanda Maximoff herself. “She took every bit of power I had and left me with household appliances,” Agatha fumes. But she needs to get her power back, and quick—because the Salem Seven are coming to visit. And they want her dead.

When Agatha strips off her false identity, she strips off all of her clothes, too—and walks into the street stark naked. Her breasts are covered with her hair, but we do see a lot of cleavage. She walks toward the camera completely exposed, though nothing critical is visible on screen. But when she walks away from the camera, her bare backside is very visible for a few on-screen seconds.

Agatha indeed has a history with “Agent Vidal,” and it appears that the two women were once romantic partners. They eye each other with a mixture of what would appear to be lust and loathing and fear. And then they’re fighting: Agatha is thrown against walls, and Rio Vidal presses the point of a knife against her throat, drawing blood. Eventually Agatha grabs the knife blade—cutting her hand in the process. After the two make peace, Rio licks the blood off Agatha’s hand in what she seems to suggest is a vaguely lustful, suggestive gesture.

We see the corpse that Agatha/Agnes is investigating, including closeups of its gray-and-bruised ankles and dirt-encrusted hands. The teen who breaks into Agnes’ house is hit by a car; a curiously worried Agnes makes sure he’s all right before hauling him into the station, where she pushes him around during her inquiry. (We hear stories about her violent interrogations elsewhere.)

Agatha, as Agnes, drinks beer with “Agent Vidal.” She goes to the library to investigate a mysterious book: Dialogue and Rhetoric: Known History of Learning & Debate by Andrew Hugo. “I’m thinking erotic thriller?” Agnes quips to the librarian. She finds a locket featuring the “triple goddess”: Maiden, mother and crone. The teen that Agnes hauls in wears eyeliner and black nail polish. He starts chanting in Latin unexpectedly.

In the closing credits (which we’ll presumably see in every episode), we see depictions of witches and occult tools throughout history, including nods to pentagrams, candles and Tarot cards. Characters say “a–” once, “crap” four times and misuse God’s name twice.

Sept. 18, 2024—S1, E2: “Circle Sewn with Fate Unlock Thy Hidden Gate”

Agatha begins her search to assemble a new coven—an essential group if she hopes to walk the Witches’ Road. She finds them, but all are reluctant to join her. “What witch in her right mind would join Agatha Harkness’ coven?” says Lilia, one of the prospective recruits. But eventually—for their own selfish reasons—several witches join the group. And after singing a magic ballad together, a door to the Witches’ Road opens.

It’s not the only evidence of witchcraft we see or reference to magic we hear. Lilia works as a fortune teller and psychic, and she tells clients that she can communicate with the dead. She leans over a crystal ball as she lies to her clients, but she clearly knows plenty that she doesn’t immediately say. Lilia ultimately prophesies the names of other members of Agatha’s coven. Mrs. Hart, who’s familiar to fans of WandaVision, doesn’t even know she’s a witch.

The adolescent known only as Teen pastes a “Welcome Coven” sign before the group of witches meets for the first time, complete with pentagram decorations. He clearly knows a lot about witch history, and he comes across as something of a “witch groupie.” We hear references to witch trials, child sacrifices and eating babies. Some very creepy magic users show up—presumably witches that burned in a confrontation with Agatha—and one almost slithers down some basement stairs in a very disturbing way.

The ballad of the Witches’ Road includes a line that describes the road as “winding through the wood, where all that’s wrong is right and all that’s bad is good.” It also talks about waking “thy power earthly and divine.” Agatha tries to encourage her coven to cast spells against her in a ploy to steal their power. A sigil prevents Agatha from learning Teen’s real name or backstory. We hear about the nature of covens (at least their nature according to this Disney show) as well as lots of banter about witches and witchcraft. (We also hear a reference to “Zen time,” too.)

Teen’s boyfriend calls while he and Agatha drive. (The picture of the guy is labeled “boyf,” which seems fairly conclusive.) Teen hangs up and sheepishly tells Agatha that “he worries.” Agatha lies, and members of her prospective coven worry that it’s all a ploy for Agatha to steal their power. When someone asks “who’s going high,” meaning taking the high part to sing the ballad, Mrs. Hart misunderstands and says, “No thank you, I don’t do drugs.” We hear two uses of the word “b–ch” along with six misuses of God’s name.

Sept. 25, 2024—S1, E3: “Through Many Miles of Tricks and Trials”

The witches officially begin their Wizard of Oz-like journey down the Witch’s Road. And Mrs. Hart—who would not have classified herself as a witch at all—is ready to go back home. “Jeezy Louisy!” she says. “This is just a really, really, really horrible party!” And she’s right: The road will test them all with their “worst nightmares,” with each stop along the way challenging one witch’s primary skill.

The first stop, a house with a serious 1970s vibe, comes with a bottle of wine that the road seems to mean for them to drink. They do, quickly discovering the booze is poisoned. It’s up to Jennifer, the group’s potion expert, to save the day—along with every member of the coven.

When they arrive, Mrs. Hart is the first to imbibe, swilling down a whole glass in one big gulp. “I have had a very hard day,” she says. “Don’t judge me.” The rest drink as well, and Mrs. Hart even consumes a second glass. (The Teen wants to drink as well, but the witches tell him no, as he’s underage.) Once everyone has sated their thirst, the poison kicks in: faces swell grotesquely and comically, but it’s clear that the toxin comes with other, more serious effects—ultimately leading to death.

We hear rumors about what Agatha gave up in order to get The Book of the Damned: Her own son. No one knows what happened to the child once Agatha allegedly gave him up. “He might be dead,” Jen says. “Others say he might be a demon or an agent of Mephisto.” The episode contains scads of references to witches and witchcraft, and Mrs. Hart jokes that she’d drink “the blood of a virgin” to smooth out her wrinkles. Alice, another member of the coven, has a tattoo that’s supposed to be a protective symbol. She mentions that her mother thought that “all the women in our family were cursed.” Someone’s hand is cut open, and the blood is added to the magical antidote. We hear references to fairies and Halloween.

Most of the witches literally confront memories from their pasts. Alice sees her own mother, weeping as she holds a lit cigarette lighter. “Your grandmother died today,” Alice’s mother says in the hallucination. “It’s my turn now. It’s going to kill me.” Someone is confronted by a guy who calls her “an inconvenient woman,” perhaps suggesting a sexual relationship. God’s name is misused almost a dozen times. Another witch has her face forced underwater.

[Spoiler Warning] Someone dies as a result of the poison, and we see her corpse.

Oct. 2, 2024—S1, E4: “If I can’t Reach You Let My Song Teach You.”

The witches bury their dearly departed member and decide to ask the Witches’ Road itself to bring them a replacement. “Maybe she be smart, and not annoying,” Agatha says in her petition. “And also not super-political.” The Road gives them a familiar face: Rio Vidal, a witch with whom Agatha has a long, complicated and romantic history. And she’s about the last person whom Agatha would want as part of her coven. Meanwhile, the group members find themselves in yet another house—this one with a 1970s vibe and a room filled with instruments—and it sets them up for the second challenge. The witch in the spotlight this time? Alice, a “protector witch” who must face down—literally—the family curse.

That curse manifests itself as a winged, demonic entity that perches on its victim’s shoulders and causes telltale, burn-like wounds. “I convinced myself they were birthmarks,” Alice says about her longstanding scars. The demon attacks a couple other coven members, but they’re protected when Alice draws a protective, magical ward around them. The curse, when visible, is pretty scary—and apparently female. We see the demon’s indistinct but apparently exposed red breasts at times. Fire features heavily in the creature’s attacks and the witches’ counterattacks.

Agatha and Rio have a few suggestive interactions, and the two seem on the verge of kissing at one point. Rio tells the coven a short story clearly pointed at Agatha: “A long time ago I loved someone,” she begins, darting her eyes toward Agatha. “And I had to do something I did not want to do, even though it was my job. And it hurt them. She is my scar.”

When the rest of the group is introduced to Rio, Jen (the potions witch) quips, “Do I hate her? Or do I want her phone number?” The 1970s-style outfits that members of the coven wear harken back to the disco era and display plenty of cleavage and leg. We see magic at work and hear plenty about witches, including rumors that they have a “third nipple” and talk to goats. One member of the coven crawls creepily and grotesquely out of the ground. We hear that Alice’s mother, a famous musical star from the 1970s, wrote a variation of “The Witches’ Road” ballad to work as a protection spell (meant to protect daughter, Alice), and that her fans were the singer’s “coven.”

Someone is punctured in the gut by what may be a shard of wood or glass. The shard is removed, leaving a bloody wound, but it’s magically healed via potion. Viewers see a dead body. We see images of screaming people in a fire. Alice smokes. We hear stories about how witches received various scars. Characters say the s-word, “a–” and “b–ch.”