The Facebook Files. The TikTok ban. Snapchat sextortion scams.
Over the last few years, you’ve probably heard a lot about social media and the harms it can cause. Like the fact that these sites are designed to cater to our interests and keep us scrolling indefinitely. Or how parasocial relationships can interfere with our real-world ones. There’s even evidence as to how quickly social media addiction can occur.
Well, if knowing is half the battle, then I’m certainly geared up and ready for war.
But who, exactly, is the enemy?
Identify the Issues
It’s really easy to take a look at social media CEOs, point the finger and say, “You did this to us! You should be ashamed of yourselves!” I mean, that’s exactly what happened in a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing two years ago, when senators and families of those harmed by social media grilled tech gurus (Meta’s Mark Zuckerberg, X’s Linda Yaccarino, TikTok’s Shou Zi Chew, Snapchat’s Evan Spiegel and Discord’s Jason Citron) about the exploitive attributes of their respective platforms.
However, while I don’t deny that the creators of a product are at least partially responsible for its impact on society, I also don’t believe those CEOs are the only ones culpable.
As I said at the outset, we’ve known for a while now that social media is bad for our children’s mental health—and our own, for that matter. But if that’s the case, then why are we still using it?
Well, that varies person to person. Some people use it to communicate with family and friends. Others use it to foster online communities of like-minded people. Small and big businesses alike (including Plugged In) use social media to build their brands. And, of course, many of us hop on because we’re bored and want to be entertained. In fact, 66% of Gen Zers say they use social media for that very reason.
Certainly, those aforementioned CEOs need to address and fix plenty of issues on their end. Targeted ads, addictive algorithms and lack of robust parental controls are all recognized problems. But I think it’s worth mentioning that when it comes to social media, we are often our own worst enemy.
So how do we fix things on our end? How do we acknowledge the potential benefits these platforms provide while also mitigating the potential harms to our kids?
Acknowledge the Benefits
Did you know that more than half of Gen Z teens don’t like what they see on social media? According to New York Post, a study revealed that 62% of Gen Zers wish they could “reset” their social media feeds, and 53% feel frustrated because the content in their feeds doesn’t match what they want to see.
If that’s the case, then why are teenagers glued to their phones?
Partially because, as we said at the outset, not everything about social media is bad.
Teens report turning to social media when they want to laugh, when they need a break, when they want to see what’s happening in the world or check out what their friends are doing. Many do research on social media, too. As a result, 80% of teenagers associate social media with a positive impact on their mood. And two-thirds say they’ve turned a bad day into a good day because of what they’ve seen on social media.
However, social media still comes with risk. Nearly half of adolescents (49%) admit feeling negative emotions, such as stress and anxiety, when they scroll through their feeds. Sometimes it’s because they watched upsetting content, such as physical violence or sexually explicit content. And sometimes it’s because they’re feeling unproductive with how they’re spending their time. (The average person spends about five-and-a-half hours per day on social media.)
The American Psychological Association (APA) suggests treating social media sort of like a diet. When teach our children how to eat a balanced meal, it’s not just about limiting how much you consume, it’s about what you consume, too. Quantity and quality. And social media can work the same way. Much like we teach our kids that too much sugar or too much salt can be detrimental to their physical health, we want to make sure they know that too much social media can be detrimental to their mental health.
As parents, we need to help our kids find the right balance of using social media to elicit positive emotions without falling into a never-ending scroll.
Mitigate the Harms
Now, you could absolutely ban all forms of social media in your home. For some families, that may very well be the best solution. But when your children grow up and leave the home, they won’t necessarily take those rules with them. And if you’ve never talked to them about setting social media boundaries, they may not know where to draw the line.
What may be more navigable is to teach your kids to curate a positive social media experience while also potentially limiting how much time they spend on the different platforms. Again, quantity and quality.
Reducing Quantity
1. Delay the age social media is introduced.
In The Anxious Generation, author Jonathan Haidt recommends delaying the use of social media until teens are 16 years old—and that sentiment has been echoed by many experts since. According to former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, kids between the ages of 10 and 19 are “undergoing a highly sensitive period of brain development.” They’re forming a sense of self and self-worth, emotionally sensitive, susceptible to peer pressure and more likely to take risks.
Rather than unleash social media upon them during this crucial time, we should use it as an opportunity to help them learn more and set some boundaries. Spend some time together learning about the pros and cons of different platforms—perhaps informing decisions about which platforms will be allowed and what time limits will be set. And when your teen does create an account, have her do it with you by her side, enabling parental controls (where possible) both to help cultivate a positive experience and limit the amount of time spent on social media.
2. Agree upon a time limit for social media.
According to a poll by Gallup and the Walton Family Foundation, 37% of parents are worried about the amount of time their kids spend on social media. But parents aren’t the only ones concerned. About 6 in 10 of youths between the ages of 14 to 22 say they are on social media daily, with nearly half admitting they can’t control their social media usage.
So talk to your teenager about his or her own social media experience and agree upon some boundaries. Social media might be a helpful way to decompress after school, but if it’s cutting into homework time, then it could lead to stress. Similarly, using social media to make plans with friends is probably just fine, but not if that text exchange is happening when your teens (and their friends) should be sleeping.
Maybe your family agrees to put phones away during certain hours of the day to focus on schoolwork or family time. Perhaps you keep phones out of bedrooms at night. And possibly consider using screentime monitors, to help your child understand just how much time they’re spending on various social media platforms. The results may shock even them and persuade them to cut back without parental intervention.
3. Set a good example.
Whatever boundaries you set for your family, be sure to practice what you preach. Obviously, adults may be more adept at controlling how much time they spend on social media—and therefore, your screentime limit may look different than that of your 16-year-old. But you can hardly ask a teenager to be more engaged at family dinner if you’re on your own phone the whole time. Similarly, it’s hardly fair to tell a teenager that social media is interrupting sleep time when you, the parent, doomscroll into the wee hours of the morning.
In an article for The Guardian, three different families allowed their children to set a screentime limit for their parents. In all three cases, when mom or dad cut back, the child noticed and appreciated the effort. They felt closer to their parents and more willing to adhere to the screentime rules set for themselves.
Increasing Quality
1. Encourage positive content.
The American Psychological Association says that healthy content should help youths reach important milestones, such as developing more sophisticated interpersonal relationships or learning more nuanced ways of thinking and feeling. So we should encourage our children to watch videos that promote empathy, learning, emotional well-being and joy. Limit exposure to content that encourages violence or risky behaviors—or content that reinforces negative stereotypes. And help your kids to choose content based on quality, personal interest and accuracy.
Additionally, the APA says that watching videos on social media together can help reinforce a positive experience: “The effects of negative content can be buffered if followed by discussion with adults to help teens understand what was viewed, engage in comparisons between video content and family values/preferences, and consider problem-solving or coping strategies that teens could use for experiences similar to what they viewed on screen.”
2. Talk through negative content.
In a study conducted by LG Electronics, 3 in 4 teens said that social media had a negative impact on their wellbeing. Moreover, that negativity could arise in as little as 38 minutes. But a Gallup poll noted that 83% of Gen Zers find it helpful to talk with their parents about these bad social media experiences.
If your teen is experiencing a problem related to social media, the first step is to listen, not fix. Sometimes it’s almost a default to say, “block them,” “report that video” or “unfollow that influencer.” Those may be the appropriate responses in some cases, but sometimes we don’t have the full picture. Ask your child if they’d be willing to show you what they’re talking about. This will help you to better understand the scope of what’s happening. Maybe you do wind up walking with them through the process of blocking or unfollowing someone. But you also may find yourself helping your child respond to a friend, fact-check a video or search for positive content elsewhere. Maybe you agree to help your child take a break from social media for a while or even delete an app until the situation blows over. But whatever the issue may be, be sure to remind your child that he or she is loved unconditionally and can always come to you when they have questions or need help.
3. Set a good example. (Yes, it warrants mentioning twice.)
Mitch Prinstein, chief science officer for the APA, recommends taking an active role in your child’s screentime. Rather than throwing up your hands and saying, “I don’t understand any of this,” Prinstein recommends asking your kids to help you understand the technology they’re using. In so doing, you may come to understand how and why your child uses different social media platforms for different things. It could make it easier not to judge their social media time too quickly, and it may make them more open to sharing with you.
Additionally, if we’re asking our teens to curate content that is meaningful, we should do the same. Far too often we mindlessly scroll through social media. Instead, condition yourself to search for things that interest you. If you want to watch funny videos of cats, go for it. If you prefer podcast-style exposes on World War II, that’s fine too. But you should be searching for this sort of content because that’s what you want to watch, not because the algorithm fed it to you.
It’s Never Too Late to Set Boundaries
If you allowed your child to create a social media account when they were 10 years old, or your teenager is spending eight hours a day on their phone, or you’ve given up the screentime battle because it just doesn’t feel worth the fight, it’s not too late. You can still set some boundaries to keep your children safe and improve their overall wellbeing.
Talk to your kids about your family’s social media habits. Figure out what each person does and doesn’t like about social media—both as it applies to them individually and as it applies to other family members. Maybe your son loves YouTube, but he also thinks mommy spends too much time on her phone. Maybe your daughter hates being glued to her phone but feels a sense of missing out when she’s not connected online. Talk about your own susceptibilities, too. And then work together to make things better. Agree when to take breaks from social media. Tailor parental control settings and screentime limits to each individual family member. Perhaps forgo certain social media apps altogether.
Hopefully, these tactics will give you an idea of where improvements can be made. But the most important thing in all of this is to remember that you, the parent, are in charge.
Social media is a daunting challenge, but it’s one shared by parents worldwide. You’re not alone in this fight. We need to educate our kids on how social media affects them—if you make them aware of the problem, they may seek to solve it themselves. And as you set boundaries, remind your kids that this isn’t coming from a place of punishment. Rather, this is something you’re doing to protect them, because you love them, you care about their wellbeing, and you want to set them up for success.
Want more social media help? Check out Plugged In’s Parents Guide to Technology for 2026. It has everything you’ll need to get your family’s tech habits under control.
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