Drama
Alien: Earth
FX’s ‘Alien: Earth’ is just the latest graphically violent entry in the already graphically violent ‘Alien’ franchise.
I don’t know if I could think of a more important job than that of a teacher. Sure, Christian television reviewers are critical to the world—indispensable, really, and woefully underpaid—but teachers are a breed apart. They’re instrumental in who our children become, cramming knowledge into their pupils’ heads, leavening that knowledge at times with important lessons in manners and self-respect.
Which means all children should stay clear of any Teachers they might stumble upon in TV Land.
The teachers in Teachers aren’t teachers at all, of course, but rather members of the comedy troupe The Katydids. The show is based on a 2012 web series of the same name, and it seems designed to nurture some outlandishly oversize schoolmarm personalities.
Cecilia Cannon loves her students, Birkenstocks and lots of liberal crusades, though not necessarily in that order. She often encourages fellow teachers to join her in her social activism, but mostly they have other concerns.
Mary Louise Bennigan, for instance, is a devout Christian (almost her only distinguishing characteristic) who is more concerned with saving souls than spotted tundra rats. Chelsea Snap is mainly concerned with how her hair looks and if she’s revealing just the right amount of cleavage. Formerly rich (and hopelessly romantic) Caroline Watson’s concerned with, as she says, her newly “destitute” status, and how she can possibly survive on a teacher’s salary. And Deb Adler … well, the angsty educator isn’t concerned with much of anyone or anything if she can help it.
But when it comes to sex, they all seem pretty concerned about that.
For some, like Chelsea, sex—and the procuring of it—almost seems like a full-time occupation. (She even has a beefcake “educational” poster hanging in her classroom.) But it’s a key conversational topic for all of them, and it’s not just talk: The show takes us into the occasional bedroom, living room or office space to show viewers just what sort of coupling they’re talking about. And while Teachers eschews straight-up nudity, the tone and movements involved leave little to the imagination regarding what’s happening and how.
Language can be harsh in this TV-MA show as well, extending into the realm of f-words (unbleeped in the Amazon-streamed version of the show I watched). And Mary Louise’s faith is often treated as little more than a joke.
The show marks a definite departure from TV Land’s programming roots: a locale for classic television of yesteryear, or shows that felt classic. No, this one-time internet production is about as coarse and dirty as … well, the etchings found in a high school bathroom stall. Nothing classic here at all.
The women starring on this show are clearly talented and can be funny. But the lessons these Teachers offer aren’t the sort that any child should learn.
(Editor’s Note: Plugged In is rarely able to watch every episode of a given series for review. As such, there’s always a chance that you might see a problem that we didn’t. If you notice content that you feel should be included in our review, send us an email at letters@pluggedin.com, or contact us via Facebook or Instagram, and be sure to let us know the episode number, title and season so that we can check it out.)
Chelsea discovers a student has lice. She learns that the school district insists that lice carriers shouldn’t be discriminated against. Soon, she and Deb face a school filled with Walking Dead-like “scratchers” and must shoot their way (using lice-killing shampoo in squirt bottles) to safety. Meanwhile, Mary Louise’s relationship with her beau, known only as “Hot Dad,” grows more physically passionate—a problem for Mary Louise, considering she wants to save herself for marriage.
Sexual activity in the opening scene stops short of intercourse, but involves movements and sounds as Mary Louise simultaneously clutches the cross around her neck so tightly that her hand bleeds. She goes to her pastor for guidance, asking him about any sexual loopholes the Scriptures might offer. The pastor says there are none: “No sex before marriage includes everything,” he says, listing a long, graphic litany of non-intercourse activities. “God put all of this sexual energy in your body, but He doesn’t want you to act on it—another one of His great mysteries.” He asks for a picture of “Hot Dad,” though, (allegedly so he can “pray” for him); later Mary Louise walks in on the pastor, apparently masturbating (out of view of the camera) while looking at the photo.
By the end of the episode, Mary Louise has decided to define “saving herself” for marriage only as intercourse, and she and Hot Dad engage in oral sex. She complains throughout the episode about how “horny” she is, using various methods to rid herself of that passion. (The grunts and squeals she makes during one bout of exercise mimic sexual activity.) She refers to her sexual energy as “demons.” We also hear references to venereal disease, anal sex, teen promiscuity, sexual toys, penetration, pubic hair and sexual fantasies. Chelsea has a poster of a muscle-bound male-model hanging up in her classroom. Deb calls her unborn baby a “parasite.”
Characters say the f-word once, along with single uses of “h—,” “b–ch” and “d–k.” God’s name is misused once.
Paul Asay has been part of the Plugged In staff since 2007, watching and reviewing roughly 15 quintillion movies and television shows. He’s written for a number of other publications, too, including Time, The Washington Post and Christianity Today. The author of several books, Paul loves to find spirituality in unexpected places, including popular entertainment, and he loves all things superhero. His vices include James Bond films, Mountain Dew and terrible B-grade movies. He’s married, has two children and a neurotic dog, runs marathons on occasion and hopes to someday own his own tuxedo. Feel free to follow him on Twitter @AsayPaul.
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