Clone High

Clone High Max





Kennedy Unthank

TV Series Review

One of the difficult things about cloning from scratch is that the clones need to grow up. That means that those clones are going to have to go through those awkward teen years.

Back in the 1980s, a governmental group known as the Secret Board of Shadowy Figures took the DNA of various famous people throughout history and cloned them in an attempt to mold them into future world leaders for their own nefarious plans. And in 2003, those clones are in high school under the tutelage of Principal Dr. Cinnamon J. Scudworth (who has his own independent plans to use the clones to create a “Cloney Island” amusement park).

But for clones John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Joan of Arc and Cleopatra, the only thing they have on their minds is each other. JFK and Abe both desire to be with Cleo, while Joan harbors a not-so-hidden crush for the oblivious Abe.

And as it turns out, high school romance is complicated, even for a bunch of historic celebrities.

A Clone of Clone High

Clone High ended its original 2003 run, of course, with lots of teen drama and unspoken romance. It also ended with the entire cast being frozen in a meat locker, where they’ve remained for the last 20 years.

But in 2023, the Secret Board of Shadowy Figures commissioned Scudworth to unfreeze the clones and resume their plans (now with an agent planted to monitor Scudworth from a literal glass ceiling above him). And as the teens are reintegrated into the new Clone High television series of 2023, they have to adjust to some changes.

Cleopatra isn’t the hottest girl in school anymore—it’s Frida Kahlo. Joan of Arc, once a social outcast, is now one of the popular girls, making fast friends with the cliquey Harriet Tubman and Frida. Topher Bus (a clone of Christopher Columbus) has to lecture Abe about how his 2003 language is horrifically not politically correct. And JFK, once seen as a chauvinist playboy, is now lauded as being “sex positive.”

But those changes don’t alter the romance square that surrounds the four main protagonists: Abe has finally realized his feelings for Joan, even if Joan is now with JFK. And Joan might just still have some feelings for Abe, even if she refuses to admit it.

History Repeats Itself

In 2003, it didn’t take long for Clone High to get canceled. Its depiction of Mahatma Gandhi as a sex-starved party animal triggered a hunger strike in India that eventually led to the show being canned. No need for a cartoon to cause an international incident.

And while the 2023 version of the show got rid of the controversial character by leaving him frozen in a meat locker, the other clones are back roaming the halls of high school once again. Those clones even include Moses and a swearing and “getting high on raisin smoking” clone of Jesus Christ (well, Jesús Cristo, a Hispanic version).

And just like in the 2003 version, these 2023 depictions are obsessed with all things sex related. Whether it’s Abe Lincoln, Joan of Arc or Harriet Tubman, they’re more than happy to discuss sex with one another. And to that end, viewers can expect to see naked animated characters whose critical bits are covered only by the smallest of censors. Combined with a bit of animated blood and gore, drug use and some swearing, and 2023’s clones don’t look all that different from their 2003 counterparts.

Sure, Clone High makes some good points about the absurdity of most teen romance dramas and some clever jokes using the historical contexts of their various clones. But in the end, those are just excuses to hash out yet another sexual reference from JFK.

Sorry Abe. We’re just being honest.

Episode Reviews

Jan. 20, 2003 – S1, Ep1: “Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand”

Abe Lincoln hopes to be invited to JFK’s party so that he can make a move on Cleopatra, but he’s only allowed to come if he brings the beer. Meanwhile, Joan of Arc hopes to impress Abe through community service.

Clone High’s JFK is a playboy, and he constantly talks about sex. His foster parents are two gay men. JFK’s character design includes a large genital bulge and a large rear, and Cleopatra’s character model accentuates her breasts and rear, too. JFK makes a crass joke about how far he went with a woman. He also admits that he wants to have sex with Cleopatra, and he attempts to sleep with Joan. Abe talks about touching his own rear to pretend that he’s touching a breast. Abe and Cleopatra kiss. Gandhi makes many references to Joan’s breasts. Gandhi asks two women to make out offscreen. Gandhi has his pants pulled down, but a plant covers his genitals. Joan tells Cleopatra to have sex with someone. A woman checks out Joan’s rear. We see naked people at a party, though their critical parts are covered. We see a woman in a bikini. A robot is evidently aroused.

Gandhi jumps out of a window, and when he hits the ground, he yells up that he can see a bone sticking out of his body. Abe accidentally cuts his arm when a glass panel breaks. Gandhi is punched in the face.

A clone uses a tranquilizer to knock himself out. Abe brings beer to a party, but he later admits that the beer is non-alcoholic. Regardless, the partygoers all act like they’re inebriated, and Cleopatra comments that she loves underaged drinking.

Someone describes poop as a “Lincoln log.” Gandhi makes fun of a depressed person, and when trying to console a distressed person, he comments that “if that were me, I’d probably kill myself.”

We hear the occasional use of “a–,” “b–ch,” “h—” and “d–n.” God’s name is used in vain twice.

May 23, 2023 – S1, Ep1: “Let’s Try This Again”

After two decades, the clones are unfrozen and allowed to return to high school. But Abe has a hard time adjusting his language to the new politically correct world.

The show’s intro sequence shows naked clones growing in jars, though their critical bits are covered. Abe and Cleopatra are seen in their underwear kissing, and JFK and Joan of Arc are seen in bed after having sex. (They also French kiss.) We see a photo of a shirtless Vladimir Putin. A government operation is called Operation Spread Eagle. JFK frequently talks about sex, male arousal and other sensual topics, and Joan occasionally references sex, too.

Principal Scudworth sings a “We Didn’t Start the Fire” style recap of the 21st century which includes a reference to Janet Jackson’s nipple slip. We hear a couple references to pubic hair. Cleopatra wonders how Frida Kahlo is considered more attractive than she is these days, and the camera focuses on Frida’s chest. Scudworth enters a bathroom, saying “time for a little debriefing…and a little ‘de-briefing.’” JFK holds Joan’s books with his large rear end. We hear a reference to female genitalia. Ivan the Terrible complains about how no women want to have sex with him.

A dolphin is zapped by a laser. After learning some bad news, Cleopatra saws her head, steps on a bear trap, lights herself on fire and shoots an arrow into her eye, resulting in a lot of blood, though Cleopatra acts unharmed despite a limp. Abe accidentally steps on the same bear trap and attempts not to scream. Abe drags himself through barbed wire, leaving a trail of blood behind him. Abe ruins his hands through hundreds of paper cuts.

Frida Kahlo’s character design shows her wearing a cross around her neck. Someone is accused of “mansplaining.” An “Inclusivity Committee” is extremely exclusive. There are a couple jokes related to flatulence. People rip off Abe’s shirt to draw a red “C” on him to “cancel him” for innocently saying that he believes everyone’s life matters and that he doesn’t see color.  A woman holds a cockroach in her mouth to feed her snake. A bomb explodes, leaving someone charred.

We hear two uses of “h—.” God’s name is abused five times. Someone uses a middle finger emoji.

May 23, 2023 – S1, Ep2: “Sleepover”

Noticing that something is upsetting Joan, Frida Kahlo and Harriet Tubman invite her over for a sleepover to try to discover what it is. Meanwhile, JFK attempts to make a male friend.

JFK and Joan talk about visiting “Teen Sex Cove” and, afterward, “Plan B Beach.” They French kiss, and their rears are partially exposed. Joan has a sexual dream, and she makes orgasmic sounds. Abe hits a man in the crotch. JFK makes many sexual references. Joan explains that she’s in the trash can because she’s having dirty thoughts. A woman is seen in a bikini.

We hear a reference to condoms. We hear other references to oral sex, genitals and more. A man talks about being sexually attracted to his mother, and a robot admits to having sex with a coffee maker. Topher Bus (a clone of Christopher Columbus) has a gay pride flag hanging in his room, though his character likely only has it because he’s desperate to distance himself from the negative image of his non-clone counterpart.

Frida and Harriet participate in what looks to be a séance, though they deny it as such. Joan asks if they’re doing “Wiccan stuff,” because she “loves a good coven.” Later, the girls summon Bloody Mary through their mirror, and the blood-soaked demon joins them in their sleepover. We see the demon standing in a pentagram surrounded by raining blood and fire.

Frida and Harriet admit to accidentally killing someone, and they explain that they ran over the man with their two tandem bikes and buried his body to hide the evidence. Later, someone falls to their death by falling into an open grave. A woman burns her skin with a casserole. A man is smacked in the face with letters from an online comment, causing him to bleed and lose some teeth.

Scudworth and his colleagues lace alcohol with truth serum. They get intoxicated after drinking it. A man defecates on someone’s face.

We hear a few uses of “a–,” “b–ch” and “d–n.” God’s name is used in vain five times, and Jesus’ name is used in vain once. Someone displays their middle finger.

The Plugged In Show logo
Parents, get practical information from a biblical worldview to help guide media decisions for your kids!
Kennedy Unthank

Kennedy Unthank studied journalism at the University of Missouri. He knew he wanted to write for a living when he won a contest for “best fantasy story” while in the 4th grade. What he didn’t know at the time, however, was that he was the only person to submit a story. Regardless, the seed was planted. Kennedy collects and plays board games in his free time, and he loves to talk about biblical apologetics. He doesn’t think the ending of Lost was “that bad.”

Latest Reviews

The Artful Dodger season 1

The Artful Dodger

Oliver Twist’s Artful Dodger isn’t 13 anymore: He’s an adult. And being an adult comes with more grown-up problems.

Faraway Downs

Faraway Downs

This extension of Baz Luhrmann’s 2008 romantic epic Australia has an extra hour of content. But that also means an extra hour of content concerns.

Obliterated season 1


Obliterated isn’t too far off from how this show’s content will leave your eyeballs.

cocomelon lane season 1

CoComelon Lane

CoComelon Lane is the newest Netflix preschool series that aims to teach kids about social emotional awareness with a modern flair.