Clone High

Episode Reviews

Jan. 20, 2003 – S1, Ep1: “Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand”

Abe Lincoln hopes to be invited to JFK’s party so that he can make a move on Cleopatra, but he’s only allowed to come if he brings the beer. Meanwhile, Joan of Arc hopes to impress Abe through community service.

Clone High’s JFK is a playboy, and he constantly talks about sex. His foster parents are two gay men. JFK’s character design includes a large genital bulge and a large rear, and Cleopatra’s character model accentuates her breasts and rear, too. JFK makes a crass joke about how far he went with a woman. He also admits that he wants to have sex with Cleopatra, and he attempts to sleep with Joan. Abe talks about touching his own rear to pretend that he’s touching a breast. Abe and Cleopatra kiss. Gandhi makes many references to Joan’s breasts. Gandhi asks two women to make out offscreen. Gandhi has his pants pulled down, but a plant covers his genitals. Joan tells Cleopatra to have sex with someone. A woman checks out Joan’s rear. We see naked people at a party, though their critical parts are covered. We see a woman in a bikini. A robot is evidently aroused.

Gandhi jumps out of a window, and when he hits the ground, he yells up that he can see a bone sticking out of his body. Abe accidentally cuts his arm when a glass panel breaks. Gandhi is punched in the face.

A clone uses a tranquilizer to knock himself out. Abe brings beer to a party, but he later admits that the beer is non-alcoholic. Regardless, the partygoers all act like they’re inebriated, and Cleopatra comments that she loves underaged drinking.

Someone describes poop as a “Lincoln log.” Gandhi makes fun of a depressed person, and when trying to console a distressed person, he comments that “if that were me, I’d probably kill myself.”

We hear the occasional use of “a–,” “b–ch,” “h—” and “d–n.” God’s name is used in vain twice.

May 23, 2023 – S1, Ep1: “Let’s Try This Again”

After two decades, the clones are unfrozen and allowed to return to high school. But Abe has a hard time adjusting his language to the new politically correct world.

The show’s intro sequence shows naked clones growing in jars, though their critical bits are covered. Abe and Cleopatra are seen in their underwear kissing, and JFK and Joan of Arc are seen in bed after having sex. (They also French kiss.) We see a photo of a shirtless Vladimir Putin. A government operation is called Operation Spread Eagle. JFK frequently talks about sex, male arousal and other sensual topics, and Joan occasionally references sex, too.

Principal Scudworth sings a “We Didn’t Start the Fire” style recap of the 21^st century which includes a reference to Janet Jackson’s nipple slip. We hear a couple references to pubic hair. Cleopatra wonders how Frida Kahlo is considered more attractive than she is these days, and the camera focuses on Frida’s chest. Scudworth enters a bathroom, saying “time for a little debriefing…and a little ‘de-briefing.’” JFK holds Joan’s books with his large rear end. We hear a reference to female genitalia. Ivan the Terrible complains about how no women want to have sex with him.

A dolphin is zapped by a laser. After learning some bad news, Cleopatra saws her head, steps on a bear trap, lights herself on fire and shoots an arrow into her eye, resulting in a lot of blood, though Cleopatra acts unharmed despite a limp. Abe accidentally steps on the same bear trap and attempts not to scream. Abe drags himself through barbed wire, leaving a trail of blood behind him. Abe ruins his hands through hundreds of paper cuts.

Frida Kahlo’s character design shows her wearing a cross around her neck. Someone is accused of “mansplaining.” An “Inclusivity Committee” is extremely exclusive. There are a couple jokes related to flatulence. People rip off Abe’s shirt to draw a red “C” on him to “cancel him” for innocently saying that he believes everyone’s life matters and that he doesn’t see color.  A woman holds a cockroach in her mouth to feed her snake. A bomb explodes, leaving someone charred.

We hear two uses of “h—.” God’s name is abused five times. Someone uses a middle finger emoji.

May 23, 2023 – S1, Ep2: “Sleepover”

Noticing that something is upsetting Joan, Frida Kahlo and Harriet Tubman invite her over for a sleepover to try to discover what it is. Meanwhile, JFK attempts to make a male friend.

JFK and Joan talk about visiting “Teen Sex Cove” and, afterward, “Plan B Beach.” They French kiss, and their rears are partially exposed. Joan has a sexual dream, and she makes orgasmic sounds. Abe hits a man in the crotch. JFK makes many sexual references. Joan explains that she’s in the trash can because she’s having dirty thoughts. A woman is seen in a bikini.

We hear a reference to condoms. We hear other references to oral sex, genitals and more. A man talks about being sexually attracted to his mother, and a robot admits to having sex with a coffee maker. Topher Bus (a clone of Christopher Columbus) has a gay pride flag hanging in his room, though his character likely only has it because he’s desperate to distance himself from the negative image of his non-clone counterpart.

Frida and Harriet participate in what looks to be a séance, though they deny it as such. Joan asks if they’re doing “Wiccan stuff,” because she “loves a good coven.” Later, the girls summon Bloody Mary through their mirror, and the blood-soaked demon joins them in their sleepover. We see the demon standing in a pentagram surrounded by raining blood and fire.

Frida and Harriet admit to accidentally killing someone, and they explain that they ran over the man with their two tandem bikes and buried his body to hide the evidence. Later, someone falls to their death by falling into an open grave. A woman burns her skin with a casserole. A man is smacked in the face with letters from an online comment, causing him to bleed and lose some teeth.

Scudworth and his colleagues lace alcohol with truth serum. They get intoxicated after drinking it. A man defecates on someone’s face.

We hear a few uses of “a–,” “b–ch” and “d–n.” God’s name is used in vain five times, and Jesus’ name is used in vain once. Someone displays their middle finger.