‘Twas two nights before Christmas, and through the night sky, you might have caught Santa as he sailed right on by.
That’s what happened to Jack, the mercenary for-hire, whose skills are the property of the highest buyer.
He engages in surveillance at a freezing Arctic base, when the sensors catch an object sailing through airspace.
And now villains come to find Santa’s home—once hidden from view by an invisible dome.
They cut through the dome with an “atomic plasma torch,” and it’s not long before they end up right on Santa’s porch.
And now Santa’s gone, kidnapped away. And if they can’t find him, there will be no Christmas day.
Enter Callum “Cal” Drift, Santa’s commanding E.L.F.; He’ll track down Santa—but not by himself.
He first kidnaps Jack and explains the situation, before demanding that Jack tell him Santa’s location.
Well, Jack is surprised to find that Santa’s real. He knew nothing about the target; that was part of the deal.
Cal doesn’t believe him, but what Jack says is true: “I just find people no one else can find,” Jack says. “It’s what I do.”
Jack’s skills could be useful to find Santa twice. And Jack’s willing to help—just for the right price.
But they’ll need to work fast to prevent something tragic; these villainous kidnappers plan to abuse Santa’s magic!
So Cal and Jack set off through cold snow and ice—and the journey just may turn Jack from naughty to nice.
Unfortunately for Cal, he was just about to retire from his position as commander of Enforcement, Logistics and Fortifications (E.L.F.) when Santa was kidnapped. Why? Well, it’s because of all anger he sees in the world. Cal explains that more people are on the naughty list than the nice list for the first time ever, and he feels that the adults they serve are growing nastier than ever.
But Santa encourages Cal by telling him that it’s for that very reason that Christmas is needed now more than ever. Santa believes people can change for the better, and so he seeks to spread cheer to motivate them to choose the “better.” Santa also still sees adults as children in need of a joyful present: “We work for the kids, even when they’re not kids anymore,” he says.
Though Jack works and lives alone, he has an estranged son named Dylan. Jack visits Dylan as little as possible, and he later reveals why: he’s afraid that because of how he acts, he’d be a bad dad if he stayed around. However, Cal reminds Jack that not being there in the first place only confirms that fear, since it’s obvious that his absence isn’t solving any problems, either.
At one point, Jack insinuates that his bad decisions weren’t really his choices, but rather things he was forced to do. Cal doesn’t buy that excuse. He reprimands Jack, telling him that even if his circumstances are bad, Jack’s always had the choice to do good rather than evil. “You put yourself on the naughty list,” Cal tells him.
Eventually, Jack apologizes to Dylan for his failures as a father and commits to doing the best that he can from now on.
Jack eventually begins doing selfless deeds, such as protecting Cal and instinctively diving into danger to save others.
A government agency deals in “mythological oversight,” from bigfoot to the Headless Horseman. They’ve brought the latter in for questioning about Santa’s disappearance. Many other mythological creatures appear throughout the film as well, including Gryla the Christmas Witch, Krampus and a hodgepodge of talking creatures. We see two dog-like creatures guarding Krampus’ home, and Cal describes the beasts as “hellhounds.” And, of course, Santa and his reindeer possess magical abilities.
Cal describes Santa in godlike terms, calling Santa “a singular force in the universe” who knows when everyone is asleep or awake. His brother, Krampus, is described as a “demi-god,” and Jack defines him as a “giant demonic Christmas goat-man.” Krampus also bears the title “the Dark Lord of Winter.”
Gryla, a self-described “non-mortal conjurer,” is able to hear anyone who speaks her name, and she can manipulate the weather with her magic. She also holds a magical snow globe which traps anyone who’s ever been on the naughty list inside of it. At one point, she possesses a man to speak through him.
A device drains a man of his magical powers. We see portal technology transport Cal and Jack across the world. Cal admits to dating “several witches.” People shoot magical spells at each other.
On a more theological note, Gryla says she’d like to punish everyone who has ever been on the naughty list before; Cal responds that that would include “almost everyone,” a line which somewhat resembles Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Parents who want to initiate a conversation about the Gospel could potentially use the film’s concept of the nice-and-naughty list to explain how without Christ, we are all condemned on the “naughty list.” But through Him, we are made clean and are placed on the “nice list.”
Cal and Jack head to a beach in order to meet up with the man who originally hired Jack to surveil on Santa. While there, we see plenty of men and women in swimsuits, and some of them are quite revealing. In fact, when one woman walks by in a swimsuit that all-but displays her rear, Jack noticeably stares at her behind for a few seconds. Jack also discerns that one married beachgoer is attempting to start an affair with a woman.
Cal reveals a device on his arm which allows him to size up toys to fit reality. For instance, he takes a toy car and shoots it with the beam, causing it to become a fully functional vehicle. After learning about this, Jack quickly asks the toy store owner if he has any Wonder Woman action figures. (Cal tells him it wouldn’t work).
Someone describes Cal as dressed like he’s in a “Magic Mike Christmas Brigade.” Another person commends Jack’s courage by saying he “has a lot of b-lls.” A male shapeshifter disguises himself as a woman. Krampus throws a hedonistic party.
Jack and Cal get into fistfights throughout the movie. In one, Jack’s combatants use taser-like weapons which severely shocks victims and causes them to fall unconscious while still standing (and we see some people experience this firsthand). In another fight, Cal knocks out a gang of dangerous killers who are all wielding blades.
Angry snowmen attack people, freezing two of them into solid blocks of ice. (We’re told that they’ll eventually thaw out, but we aren’t told the long-term effects of being frozen.) Jack detonates a giant villainous snowman using a propane tank, and he partially melts a snowman’s face on a grill. Another snowman is cut in half but reattaches its snowy mass to its legs.
Krampus plays a game which involves two players slapping each other across the face until someone either falls unconscious or dies. A couple of men fly across the room from Krampus’ powerful slap, leaving a giant red handprint on their cheek.
Someone shoots fireballs at a giant, and the giant attempts to smash its opponents. It also flings them some distance. Another character gets trampled by reindeer.
A few men receive hits to the crotch for comedic effect. A couple people are kidnapped. Shuttles and snowmobiles crash, sending their occupants flying.
Surprisingly, we hear the f-word get cut off halfway through. The s-word is used eight times. “H—” is uttered nine times. And “a–,” “d–n” and “d-ck” are all used once or twice. God’s name is used in vain 10 times.
Jack is found passed out in an empty tub, a bottle of liquor on the ground next to him. He’s obviously hungover, and he recklessly drives around the city in this state. We see some people enjoy alcoholic beverages.
Jack steals a few items, including literal candy from a baby. He also lights a gazebo on fire and litters. People argue over limited items in a store, and some people resort to stealing.
There are a lot of positive things to take away from Red One. The story’s focus on choosing good over evil is admirable. We also have characters who come alongside others to encourage them in that pursuit. Isolated from the rest of the movie, those themes would make this quite a nice family film.
But if the PG-13 rating means anything, it’s that Red One isn’t intended for all families—namely those with younger children. That disappointing reality becomes quickly apparent when Chris Evans’ character drops his first of quite a few s-words. A partially uttered f-word is arguably even more disappointing. And with some spiritual and sensual issues to boot, Red One probably isn’t something you’d want to take your elementary-age children to see.
With those issues, I’m not confident Red One will make many families’ nice lists.
Kennedy Unthank studied journalism at the University of Missouri. He knew he wanted to write for a living when he won a contest for “best fantasy story” while in the 4th grade. What he didn’t know at the time, however, was that he was the only person to submit a story. Regardless, the seed was planted. Kennedy collects and plays board games in his free time, and he loves to talk about biblical apologetics. He thinks the ending of Lost “wasn’t that bad.”
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