What better gift on Christmas Eve than to find out you’re pregnant?
That’s what Ethan Kopek wants to say, but he can’t quite get his lips and tongue to co-operate. And it’s not that he doesn’t love his live-in girlfriend. He does!
The truth is, his girlfriend, Nora, is everything that Ethan could hope for in a partner and mate: she’s bright, classy, beautiful, motivated and kind.
You see, Ethan’s doubts all have to do with himself. He just isn’t sure he can be the guy that’s needed for the job. Or any job, really. He feels like he’s floundering in life. His low-level TSA job at the airport isn’t really clicking. In fact, if it wasn’t for Nora, who’s moving up in the airport’s management team, he might have been out on his tail a while back.
So as Ethan drops off Nora and shuffles to his TSA group meeting, all he can think of is that he needs to do better. He needs to demonstrate that he can be a hard worker, a better partner—hey, a better man!
And he’s about to get that chance.
For one thing, Ethan’s supervisor decides to assign him to one of the TSA x-ray screening machines. That’s a big step up from waving a wand over people.
However, the big chance I’m talking about arrives when Ethan is secretly contacted by a mysterious guy who tells him that unless he does exactly as he says—letting a soon-to-arrive suitcase pass through unchallenged—Ethan’s beloved Nora will die in a terrible way. Ethan’s being watched closely and there’s a rifle pointed at Nora as they speak.
Ethan is shocked. Who is this guy? How does he know so much about Ethan’s life? For that matter, who knows what might be in this soon-to-arrive bag? A bomb? Toxic gas? It could be anything? And it could put hundreds, maybe thousands of people in danger.
As this nobody named Ethan sits at his machine, looking furtively around, trying to spot a threat, looking for a gun barrel, he realizes that this is going to be the most important Christmas Eve of his life.
This is Ethan Kopek’s chance to show the world what kind of man he is!
Ethan may not have accomplished much in his life so far, but at his core, he’s a good man. And he wants to do the right thing as he struggles against what appear to be unsurmountable odds in Carry-On.
As this unlikely story unfolds, Ethan risks his life repeatedly to draw the killers’ attention away from others and, at the same time, to shield Nora. Nora, in turn, demonstrates her love for Ethan and encourages him.
Other characters get caught up in the killers’ plot, too, and must fight for each other as well.
None.
Two male characters are married.
Though we initially think that Ethan and Nora are husband and wife, we eventually learn that they are pregnant but unmarried. We see them in bed together in sleepwear. They kiss several times.
The deadly terrorist focus in Carry-On is on a Russian neurotoxin that instantly causes massive internal bleeding. We see several people affected by the drug. One person breathes the substance, spits blood and falls over dead. The victim and those surrounding him are then doused in fuel and set afire.
In another case, the toxin is released in a sealed glass container with a man trapped inside. He begins coughing and bleeding from his mouth and eyes before vomiting blood and spewing gore on the glass interior of the container.
Another individual is scratched with a toxin that automatically causes him to seize and fall over dead from a heart attack. Someone gets stabbed in the neck with a pen and he bleeds out on the floor. A person is shot by a sniper shot to the head.
A killer shows up at a man’s home to threaten and possibly murder his family. Someone is chased by a killer who shoots at her, tosses her about and centers a pinpoint laser sight on her forehead.
A police officer and her captor struggle over a gun in a car as their vehicle clips other cars and trucks and causes a massive highway wreck of roughly half a dozen cars and trucks. The two of them shoot at each other as they fight in the confined space. Eventually their car flips, and one of them is shot in the head.
A plastic gun explodes as it’s being repeatedly discharged, and the shrapnel rips open a man’s throat. He bleeds to death holding his bloody throat. Ethan is slammed around and beaten. He’s also shot in the shoulder and leg by an armed pursuer.
We hear what may be a muffled f-word and some four or five s-words in Carry-On‘s dialogue. Someone exclaims “a–hole” and the crudity “d–kheads!” Christmas is called a “god-forsaken holiday.” And God’s name is misused once in combination with the word “d–n.”
Several people sit at an airport bar with drinks in front of them. Someone grabs two mini-bottles of vodka and pours then into another person’s coffee. (No one drinks it.)
Someone opines, “Kids are a curse!” But then he goes on to explain that children are “also a blessing.” After seeing a man killed, Ethan has to rush to the bathroom where he vomits several times.
If you wanted to create a “Christmas” action movie, where would you start?
In the case of the new Netflix flick Carry-On, you’d focus on a handsome underachiever who’s struggling to find a foothold in life. And then toss him into a situation where it’s up to him and him alone to struggle against impossible odds on Christmas Eve. You know, allow that nice nobody to heroically save many lives while Christmas carols play.
In that light, Taron Egerton plays Carry-On’s lovable loser with everyman aplomb. Stacked against him, Jason Bateman plays the perfect heartless bad guy. And the film has a slick Die Hardy feel about it. In fact, all the formulaic action movie bits—from the tech-savvy bad guys to the think-quick heroics—snap so quickly and smoothly into place that you almost don’t realize … that none of it could ever logically happen.
Carry-On’s leaps of logic and impossible coincidences require a rocket belt and at least a couple pairs of rolling eyes to embrace. Worse than that, though, there’s quite a few innocents (and the guilty) who shuffle off this mortal coil in blood-gushing ways. You won’t find much merriment in this Xmas mix.
Bottom line, if you’re looking for a holiday-themed, PG-13 movie-night choice to watch with your family, perhaps an old snowy classic might work better.
After spending more than two decades touring, directing, writing and producing for Christian theater and radio (most recently for Adventures in Odyssey, which he still contributes to), Bob joined the Plugged In staff to help us focus more heavily on video games. He is also one of our primary movie reviewers.
