Contributor: Paul Asay

Two alien bros use brains and brawn to escape from Area 51. But the real question is, will you want to escape from this movie?

What if Ebenezer Scrooge had been a lingerie photographer? What if, instead of counting money, he counted notches on his bedpost? What if Tiny Tim was nowhere to be found?

Trust no one, we’re told … and that goes triple for Paul, the pot-smoking, foul-mouthed alien who tells us to throw down our cross and follow him instead.

Was it Conan who so famously said, “I’ll be back!” No? Well, he’s back regardless. And, no, we don’t know why either.

This road-trip comedy has a heart. But it doesn’t have a conscience. So are you sure you want to give it your credit card number?

“The devil made me do it” is a pretty lame excuse. But what about “The drugs made me do it?” Still a rationalization? Or a hard, cruel fact in our modern medicinal world? Steven Soderbergh grapples with that question in this gripping but problematic mystery.

Mean is the new nice at the mall. So step aside, Paul Blart. Ronnie Barnhardt’s the new mall cop on the block, and this guy takes no prisoners.

Bullet to the Head may have a 2013 release date, but this Sly Stallone flick feels exactly like 1983. (And there’s not a lick of nostalgia accompanying that violent fact.)

Does a comedic reworking of Romeo and Juliet featuring zombies foretell the end of the world? Or merely the emergence of the undead romcom?

A fairy-tale weekend, it wasn’t. Granted, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters claimed the weekend’s box office tourney, grimly collecting an estimated $19 million en route to its rather witchy win. But while that may be enough to build a great gingerbre …

Far from being about a car, ‘Gran Torino’ is another chapter in Clint Eastwood’s ongoing quest to explore choices of dignity and disgrace, life and death.

This sci-fi horror story could’ve easily been a PG-13 thriller without all the blood and harsh profanity.

Parker’s the rare criminal who adheres to a stringent set of rules, an actual code of honor. Too bad it doesn’t include things like not stealing, lying or killing.

Don’t pick up the bread crumbs. Steer well clear of the oven. And that’s a warning to the witches in this reversal-of-fortune tall tale, ’cause Hansel and Gretel are the ones packin’ heat now.

On Jan. 22, ABC unceremoniously booted its comedy Don’t Trust the B‑‑‑‑ in Apt 23 after two suitably abbreviated seasons. The network has no immediate plans to air the show’s eight remaining episodes. “You’ve got to give ABC props for ever picking …