Back when I was a younger dad, I was sometimes a slow learner. One example was when it came to reading with my kids.
My wife was good about it—but me, not so much. It wasn’t until my youngest child came along that the joys of reading together really hit me. I was traveling for work all the time back then, and I began bringing home little books for my young, smiling daughter as a small gift after every weekend trip. Not only was it a treat for her, but it gave us both something to look forward to.
Spending a little time together with a Berenstain Bears book, or the like, instilled a love of reading in her while also establishing a special bond between us. It was a short, enjoyable, cozy experience. In my daughter’s case, it helped make her a voracious reader and boosted her vocabulary skills. And now, years later, she’s the thoughtful sort who expands her world with a good book (while others stare blankly at their screens). And she’s a passionate advocate for reading with her own girls.
Now, I’m not suggesting that my daughter’s brilliance is completely due to a little bedtime reading. But it was a helpful part of the process. And I’m happy that I woke up to the possibilities of what spending a little time with a little book and a little girl might produce.
However, recent studies have shown that today’s parents are tending to push that “reading together” timeslot to the side.
I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Books
Research from HarperCollins Publishers in the U.K. declared that only 41% of parents with kids ages 4 and under read to them. That’s down from 64% in 2012. And that study also suggested that the kids’ attitudes about reading have suffered because of it: Almost 1 in 3 children ages 5 to 13 think reading is “more a subject to learn than a fun thing to do.”
Hey, even appreciation for leisure reading in general is beginning to tank. In 2022, the National Endowment for the Arts declared that only 43% of American adults read at least one work of literature each year. And a New York Times article stated that kids and adults who simply read for fun crashed to an all time low of only 16% as of 2023. While more than 20% of people in that survey said they had a child under 9 years old, only 2% of them read to their kids.
That is a major issue. But why is it happening?
I don’t need a massive study to answer that one. Just look around us. Some people will say “I just don’t have time to be reading.” But I’d suggest that our time has stayed the same, it’s the things we can do with our time that have changed drastically.
Let’s face it, video games, phones and laptops, streaming services of multiple stripes and, of course, the bottomless pool of social media content are constantly singing a siren’s call for our spare, scroll-worthy minutes. The digital media at our fingertips has grown exponentially in just the last few years. And like the frog in a pot, we haven’t noticed the temperature rising.
Or Do I?
The next question then is, “Do I even need to be reading books?” I mean, most people are reading one thing or another all the time. So does it matter if I’m reading a news report, an email or a book?
In short: Yes!
An article from a learning community called Ness Labs sums up numerous studies on the subject. It reports that reading a book engages our brain in ways that an email or a text never could. Books rewire the connections in our brain, leading not only to mental stimulation and vocabulary expansion but improved memory and focus. All things, I might add, that social media tends to reduce.
There’s also the fact that literary works have the great ability to boost our empathy. They let us see the world from someone else’s perspective. And in our increasingly polarized society, that’s a fabulous plus.
Back to the Kids
OK, those are the positives we should be considering when it comes to reading in general. (You know, for us adults.) But if you’re still on the fence about reading to the kids in your life, there are some great benefits to consider there, as well.
I mentioned the bonding part of reading together already—and, boy, that has some long-term benefits. Reading together and then discussing the questions and feelings that the story raises simply opens the door for a relaxed give-and-take connection. And that can carry over into all sorts of discussions, including some that take place later on in life. Reading with kids establishes a sort of conversational muscle memory that helps difficult conversations start, even when it’s not over a children’s book.
Reading a book to your child can also help out at bedtime. It becomes a nice routine that can ease young minds into a calm and thoughtful place. (And I should also note that reading a physical book is preferred over a screen-based one, because the screen’s blue light suppresses the body’s production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates sleep patterns.)
Reading together is also a great way to help kids pick up their own literacy skills. Not only do children watch and listen as you read—gaining a comfort with the rhythms and patterns of language, what words mean and how they’re used—but they are quickly encouraged to read these wonderful things called words themselves. How many times have you seen a child recite a favorite book from memory while they try to grasp the printed words on the page?
New stories also teach new perspectives and help kids apply concepts of right and wrong to their worlds. And, of course, books open imaginary worlds of every stripe to a young mind, encouraging them to seek out new printed stories and ideas on their own.
You Can Do It. You Really Can.
Oh, and reading together doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t need to sound like Morgan Freeman or sell a story like a seasoned thespian. You just need to be there, taking the time and enjoying a good book with a little one you love.
In fact, let me give you a last word of encouragement. The day you suggest a trip to the library and the kids squeal in excitement, like they’re getting a chance to seek out pirate treasure, is the day that you know that your reading time together has hit the mark.
That sort of rewarding day will help you realize that small choices can make a big difference. In fact, those little choices can pay dividends much larger than a dozen other things that’re calling for your time. Trust me, it’s true. It took me a while to see the sense of it. But I’m glad I did.
18 Responses
Thank you for writing this article and for giving a link to the article from Ness Labs. But I think a lot of parents and kids need more information than this article to help them out in this area. If “The day you suggest a trip to the library and the kids squeal in excitement, like they’re getting a chance to seek out pirate treasure” has arrived, fine. But what do you do if that day hasn’t arrived yet?
Reading your piece on “Parents Aren’t Reading to Their Kids, What’s the Deal?” stirred something deep in me. The way you shine a light on how busyness, screens, and even our mindset about reading have quietly eroded what could be a sacred ritual of nurturing, and how that impacts connection and growth, feels so personal. In my own journey of peeling back false layers and learning to let God write truth into my heart, I’ve come to value rituals of presence and listening.
Ya know, I’ve been studying Spanish at the library and I had heard online about the Project Hail Mary book being good.
Whoa. I blazed through the book, the first half on a work night, and then the rest on my weekend off.
I have rediscovered reading again. I read theology books and work books, but man I forgot how fun fiction is. Now when I go to the library, I usually try to pick up a book a week. Granted, sci-fi comes with a lot of content issues, but, yeah, I can also appreciate Project Hail Mary more 😂 (some sci-fi sucks).
TLDR: have some fun fellow adults, pick up a fiction book! Way better use of time than YouTube.
I think part of it is both a secular and religious minimization of the subject. There is a lot of anti-intellectual sentiment going on right now, and the way I often see that manifest is from people who demonize libraries and book programs; I saw one person try to imply that Dolly Parton’s “Imagination Library” should be shut down just in case any of the books are teaching lurid material to children (there is, of course, no reason to shut down an entire library over that, any more so than we would stop teaching children the Bible or the Tanakh just because they stumbled across an age-inappropriate passage outside of what we’d expected them to be ready for). I came across another person who wanted to take books off the shelves just because they don’t agree with that person’s religious assertions.
And from another religious perspective, I’ve been in a number of churches where the understanding of Scripture seems to go no farther than “listening to the pastor preach,” without a prompting to read further on one’s own and to develop one’s own knowledge. So I do think screens can be part of it, but I also think that letting others do our exposition for us can sometimes also unfortunately play a role.
I have nothing against libraries and I have no desire to see any library shut down. But I think their strategies to encourage kids to read are flawed. Let me explain why.
1. They encourage young people to read during the summer, when the weather is nice and most kids and adults would rather be doing other more exciting things, like exploring natural parks or going to amusement parks or water parks. Those libraries are fighting a battle they can’t win. Ditch the summer reading contests and replace them with winter reading contests, when the weather is miserable and they have less competition.
2. They attempt to convince kids that reading is heroic. It isn’t. If you want to be a hero, pull someone out of a burning building or swim to the rescue of a drowning person.
Kids can read Shakespeare themselves. They don’t need any help.
If they have one with footnotes, they could, otherwise they’ll give up like I did; even though I understood the KJV.
RedeemerDMZ, you make good points about summer not being an ideal time for reading programs for many children, but for poor children who can’t afford vacations or amusement parks, or children whose parents work all the time and won’t let them be outdoors much because they can’t supervise them, summer really is the best time.
I go to libraries frequently and during the summer I see a lot more moms with kids come by. I overhear them talking about the summer reading program, so I think that’s drawing many of them to the library, but its also a family friendly activity during the hottest part of the day when no one really wants to exercise.
I guess the solution is to have two children’s reading programs: one in January and the other in July.
Reading helps children imagine being like their heroes. You’re right, it is not heroic to read and library posters are lying, but reading could help children become braver or develop reading skills so when they’re adults they know how to study better and can be better doctors.
I like your idea of having two children’s reading programs, one in the winter and one in the summer. Why not have one around spring break?
Also, thank you for backing me up by saying “it is not heroic to read”.
When you claim “reading could help children become braver” can you give me any specific real-world examples of that, or are you going off the 1994 movie “The Pagemaster”? “The Pagemaster” is a fictional movie, not a documentary. Richard Tyler didn’t need a library card to become a braver person, he needed his parents to spend some more quality time with him and/or a qualified psychiatrist or psychologist or mental health professional.
I hadn’t heard of The Pagemaster. Reading might not make all children braver, but in my personal life I think it has. When I would get sick as a teen I’d think of Sam and Frodo journeying through Mordor even though they were exhausted and push forward. When I was a kid facing a family death Digory Kirke made me realize I was not alone (C.S. Lewis had been in a similar situation, so Digory’s story had truth to it.). Instead of taking what seems to be the easy way out, he gives up what he most wants in order to protect another country. I read stories about missionaries who faced malaria to rescue twins from witch doctors, smuggled African Americans out of the South before the Civil War, and who rescued Dalit girls from their circumstances.
Frank Peretti’s Nightmare Academy showed me we should be prepared to explain and defend Christianity no matter who we are (that teen girls should be prepared to speak publicly about faith). Although I wasn’t a Gothardite, his teaching heavily influences Christian girls to just obey men instead of analyzing truth, and was common in my social circle as a kid and teen. If the women then leave the sheltered Christian circle, they then can’t defend their faith when confronted by agnostic and atheistic men or authority figures, and the skeptics think we girls just have blind faith. Like forget women preaching, women did not say anything from the pulpit during a Sunday service at my church as a kid/teen. I didn’t realize how it influenced me until I went to a service at a Baptist church where a woman read the scripture reading during a service, which shocked me, and I still inwardly wonder what Paul would say. Like, even now I go to an only women’s Bible study, BSF, but it has a service in the sanctuary, so it felt so awkward to listen to a woman preach from the pulpit at first.
Working in the hospital as an adult, I often have patients try to physically hurt me or manipulate me psychologically. I’ve had a lot of encouragement by reading about military stories and the superhero comics that are often metaphors for dealing with a loss of confidence. I believe that there has to be some point a person believes they can be a hero, otherwise, they might be like the average person and just freeze or run away when an emergency happens.
Here’s another reason why people lose interest in reading as they age. We too often greatly exaggerate the power of words, as advertisers often exaggerate the value of their goods and services. And then people lose interest when they find out they’ve been duped.
You’ve probably read or heard the statement “Words have power” at least once in your life. But do you take that statement seriously? You probably don’t, unless you’re very naive and/or a spoiled brat like Veruca Salt in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. The statement “Words have power” is oversimplification and exaggeration at its worst. It seems to be saying that words always have power all the time, and that anybody can talk their way or write their way into or out of anything. Maybe you can talk your way or write your way into or out of anything if you’re a famous writer like Stephen King or a famous singer like Taylor Swift or a head of state like The President of the United States or the King or Queen of England. But the vast of majority of people on this planet will someday find out they can’t, and when that happens, they’ll see people who say “Words Have Power” as the boy who cried wolf. And you’ll turn to alternative methods of accomplishing your goals, like actions.
Speaking of actions, have you ever heard the statement “The pen is mightier than the sword”? That statement not only exaggerates the power of words, it treats violence like a big joke. It was coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton in 1839. Since 1839, many more weapons have been invented much more powerful than swords. Does anybody believe that pens are more powerful than catapults? Bows and arrows? Guns? Cannons? Grenades? Rocket launchers? Attack helicopters? Fighter jets? Nuclear bombs?
Can you please suggest great, clean books to read aloud with my 13 and 16 year-old boys at bedtime instead of them being on screens? Thanks!
Why don’t people read books more often? Because more powerful means of communication like movies and video/computer games have been invented. Sometimes people need to see things to believe them. Lots of people didn’t believe Yellowstone National Park had geysers that spewed water hundreds of feet into the air until they saw pictures or videos or films of those geysers erupting, or they went to Yellowstone National Park themselves. Sometimes people need to try things for themselves in order to understand how they work or to understand why they’re bad ideas (in a safe way). Playing “Forza Motorsport” destroyed my interest in becoming a professional race car driver more effectively than any book or movie ever could. If you want people to read more books, you must answer this question: What can books accomplish that movies and video/computer games can’t?
Right now, all most people are doing is trying to convince people that “The book is better than the movie”. Better how? You can’t rely solely on abstractions and expect people to agree with you or even understand what you’re talking about. A book can’t make you jump out of your seat, but a movie can. Trying to convince most people that the book is better than the movie is like trying to convince them that if you’re paddling a kayak, you could travel from New York City to London faster than a Boeing 787 if you somehow paddled fast enough.
Reading is an essential life skill, though, and books go part and parcel with reading comprehension.
Erik H. Is right. Good reading skills are necessary.
In a sort of “jump out of your seat moment”, that I’ve gotten chills while reading books before. Authors have to be skilled to do that with only words. Horror movies (and others) rely on a frequency 18.9 Hz in addition to scary images to make people feel chills. 18.9 Hz is really a cheap trick because if you listen too long it will mess with your peripheral vision and some people will see “ghosts” while the brain tries to make sense of it.
When people say the books are better they’re often referring to the trend movies have of changing characters or plots to make it more generic and dramatic to sell better to a mass audience.
Intellectualizer is not attacking the value of reading but the power of reading. The point Intellectualizer is trying to make is just because kids know how to read doesn’t always mean that they understand or believe what they read. Many times kids don’t understand or believe what they read but they’re too polite or too scared to admit they don’t, causing adults to overestimate the power of words.
In response to your claim that you’ve gotten chills while reading books, let me ask you something: Were you keeping a close eye on a thermometer while you were reading?
So what do you do if you’re trying to convey an important message to kids and your words aren’t getting through to them? Are you just going to give up and say to yourself “Oh, well. There’s nothing else I can do. I guess whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen”? Or are you going to convey that message in a way that kids will actually understand and believe?
RedeemerDMZ, chills from excitement do not literally mean coldness. I think you are reading into my comments. My intention is to explain some benefits of reading, not make words sound more powerful than they are.
If children are afraid to ask comprehension questions that’s the fault of adults, not reading in general. If they don’t believe the words, well, maybe the writer /is/ lying or is just bad at explaining. But movies and other media are not better about being truthful, and being able to write well gives more career opportunities as well as verbally explain a situation.
I realize this is off topic, but there is an issue now that many people can read, but they can’t concentrate on it well for more than a news article’s length, so it makes it hard to study on the college level. I’ve heard both schools and smartphones blamed for this. So, yes, in response to your question, if a child did not believe my words about something, I would try my best to show he or she a real life example. But I would still try to help the child enjoy reading or audiobooks. I would buy some Legos, and write the story that the child tells with the Legos or use some other toy, or we would write a story together about something like a vacation or zoo trip. I would read comics with them because comics are usually not as intimidating to read.
I hope this message is not misunderstood. I am not trying to say Intellectualizer is wrong about the value of video games and movies, just answering about how books are still important today.
Thank you. Yes, books aren’t usually as heavily illustrated as other media are (though some video games are text-exclusive choose-your-choice novels), but attention spans when reading are critical, and I say this as someone who’s having to re-learn that skill since I used to work a job with long hours where I simply did not have time to read for pleasure in the evenings. Without books, we’re not going to get through those text-heavy RPGs. Without books, we’re not going to comprehend those breaking news articles—or those disadvantageous legal contracts.
This is the primary reason why I even started going to Plugged In in the first place. It’s because their movie reviews are so much longer, more detailed, and more professionally and formally written than many other (secular) movie reviews I saw.