I’m going to admit it right up front. This blog I’m about to write is going to be a hard one for me. Just a bit too personal and I’m afraid it’ll make me come across as a bit weird (and maybe I am). I’m struggling just two sentences in with whether or not to hit the delete button and start again with a an approach that keeps me out of it. But here goes.
For years as a Christian (I met the Lord at age 15), I thought seeing a counselor was a sign of weakness. I wasn’t anti-counseling, because as a youth pastor in my early twenties, I did quite a bit of it. But that involved ministry, helping others. I was more than okay with that. But personally, it was me and Jesus. We could get through anything together. I believed that those that sought after a counseling session (even from me) were lacking something spiritually. If they were really strong in the Lord, I thought, they’d hear His voice and wouldn’t need my advice—or anyone else’s, for that matter.
I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what I believed. And I’m none too proud to be airing my dirty laundry here. But I have to think there are folks like me reading this who would be wise to reconsider their anti-personal-counseling stance. I don’t remember when I came around, but I did years ago, now having done a complete 180. I’ve now seen a counselor several times. No major issues. I just came to the realization that sometimes (perhaps still more often than I care to admit), I can’t see the forest for the trees and I need someone else’s perspective to know which way is best. Some situations necessitate advice from someone who can look at the bigger picture and offer unbiased advice based on their life experience. At some point in my life the truth of Proverbs 15:22 sunk in: Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
I don’t know if the Apostle Paul ever sought counseling, but one incident described in the Bible makes me wonder if there wasn’t at least one time he should have.
The situation was this: Paul and Barnabas were great friends. They traveled together. They shared the gospel as a team. Then one day, they had a real falling out. After a bit of a ministry breather, Paul approached Barnabas about heading out on another mission trip. Barnabas was 100% in favor. So far so good. But then Barnabas mentioned he wanted to bring John Mark along. This didn’t set well with Paul, who was adamant that that was not going to happen. Why? Because John Mark had not completed the last mission trip. Paul considered John Mark a quitter and didn’t want to get burned again. Acts 15:39 says, “They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.”
I wonder if Paul and Barnabas shouldn’t have sought out a counselor on this issue, someone who could have listened to both sides and been a tie-breaker. “Yeah, I agree with Paul,” the counselor might have decreed. “Don’t take John Mark. Let him mature a bit and perhaps you could take him on your next trip.” Or the counselor might have said, “It seems to me that John Mark is very sorry about how he handled himself on your last mission trip. He’s a new person. Take him with you.”
For me, that’s one of the best aspects of talking to a counselor, getting a fair-minded, impartial perspective. That’s how I’ve used it. But seeing a counselor has so many more advantages than just this. Working through relational problems. Working through addictions and sin issues. Working through trauma. Working through parental rejection/abuse. Just to mention a few.
I bring this up because one of the lesser known aspects of Focus on the Family, yet one of the most powerful ones, is that we offer a free consultation to anyone and everyone who’ll ask at absolutely no charge (after that initial consultation, a referral can be made if necessary). Here’s one of many testimonials from someone who couldn’t see the forest for the trees:
How can I ever thank you enough? In a moment of desperation, and feeling I had nowhere else to turn, I called your Counseling Department. Anxiously I had watched my teenage daughter growing more and more frail, and I suspected she had an eating disorder. I consulted with two local therapists, but neither provided any decisive direction. That’s when I called Focus on the Family. The counselor I spoke with asked insightful questions in addition to inquiring about my daughter’s height and weight, and then gently but very firmly told me to get my daughter to the hospital immediately. I had no idea how serious the situation had become—that phone conversation was the “kick in the pants” I so urgently needed.
… She is still in recovery, but is thriving socially, and our close-knit family is extremely hopeful about all the future holds in store. In fact, my daughter recently expressed the desire to become a trained therapist herself. Thank you, Focus, for being there to help us when our family needed you most. That phone call saved my daughter’s life!
Perhaps, right now you’re needing to talk to someone about an issue in your life, someone who can lend a listening ear. Or perhaps you know someone who needs this service. If so, you (or they) may want to call one of our counselors at 1-800-A-Family (232-6459) between the hours of 6 a.m. and 8 p.m., Mountain Time. Our hope is that you thrive. And sometimes that happens best when we get an advisory “kick in the pants.”
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