Family Bonds and the Loneliness Crisis

Loneliness among American teens has been growing by leaps and bounds over the last 15-to-20 years. In 2023, U.S. surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murthy declared that widespread loneliness was nothing less than a public health epidemic.

Murphy said that social isolation poses health risks equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day—including larger chances of stroke and heart disease and a 30% higher risk of premature death. And he declared that those threats hit young people between the ages of 15 to 24 particularly hard. One recent survey indicated that 73% of Gen Z felt isolated and alone.

Of course, when we hear those sorts of statements and statistics, we start wondering why all this is happening. What’s changed in the last 20 years?

Are we hurting from too much screen time and the negatives of social media? Are kids suffering because they aren’t going outside to play anymore? Are today’s parents too restrictive? Too lax? Perhaps this loneliness issue is attributable to our society’s rising divorce rate and a crumbling family structure. Or maybe this epidemic can be linked to the fact that people don’t go to church anymore; they don’t cling to the same moral foundations that they used to.

The truth is that all those things can and do have a negative impact on our lives. But the better question is, how do we fix things? Since there isn’t a pill, an app, a time machine or a magic wand to make our loneliness woes disappear, what’s to be done?

Well, a new study published in JAMA Pediatrics suggests that a solution to this growing loneliness problem may be closer to home and easier to facilitate than we think. And it doesn’t require a lot of money or signing up for years of psychotherapy either. In fact, it’s a solution that we all can have an important hand in right now.

Researchers tracked more than 7,000 Americans from age 16 into their late 30s. And they found one interesting element that the subjects had in common: Teens who built strong bonds with their parents and their family had a much higher chance of establishing good, healthy relationships later in life. In fact, they were 2.5 times more likely to have more satisfying friendships, more fulfilling marriages and closer relationships with their own children. And that was true regardless of the individuals’ income, gender, race or education.

Across the board, close, loving families became training grounds that gave their kids the skills they needed to become far better friends and family members later in life. Teens watched how their parents make choices—and saw what an impact those positive choices made. If they came home upset, they found someone who listened and cared. They felt that they mattered.

The study also asked the teens five telling questions that might help you when you’re thinking about positive choices to make with your family. They were:

Do your parents care about you?

Does your family understand you?

Do you have fun together?

Does your family pay attention to you?

Do you feel loved and wanted?

Now, those might seem to be basic elements that all families strive for. But many of the study’s families did not earn a resounding thumbs up in those areas. Would yours?

If nothing else, it’s good to know that the relationships we forge with our kids in their early years can shape the relationships they build later in life. The JAMA study encourages us to take the long view. In the thick and thin, during the ups and the downs, it’s the fun, loving choices we make and the stop-and-listen, caring moments we share that can make a difference.

Anyone feel like sitting at the same table for dinner again? I hear Dad can whip up a mean ice-cream sundae.