This is a big year for Stacy Friedman. Because this is the year of her bat mitzvah, marking her entrance into adulthood and setting the bar for the rest of her life.
Or so she thinks.
See, even though Stacy and her best friend, Lydia, have been planning their bat mitzvahs since they met in kindergarten, they still don’t quite understand what it means.
To them, it’s all about the party. The theme, the food, and especially their entrance videos all make a statement about who they are who they’re going to be for the rest of their lives.
Never mind all those bits about reading from the Torah or the mitzvah itself (a good deed performed out of religious duty). Only old people and God really care about that stuff.
Again, or so Stacy thinks.
As it turns out, there’s a lot more to the Jewish faith than a party or even the coming-of-age ceremony that goes with it. Really, it’s about learning what it means to be an adult, such as taking responsibility for your mistakes and facing the consequences of your poor decisions with grace and humility.
Stacy’s about to get a crash course in it all … and she thought 7th grade was tough.
Stacy and her friends face some struggles as they learn about growing up—all of which are caused by their immaturity. But along the way, they learn the importance of being kind to others, standing up for their friends, listening to those who are older (or wiser) and taking responsibility for their actions—even when the consequences might really, really stink.
Stacy’s family is really solid. Her parents love each other. Her sister, Ronnie, is supportive. And even though Stacy doesn’t always see eye to eye with the lot, she realizes that their advice comes from a place of love and personal experience—such as when her mom tells her not to wear a pair of uncomfortable but cool-looking shoes to a party.
Many of the other adults in Stacy’s life are pretty good role models, too. Yes, some of them can be silly at times, but they’re stern when they have to be. And they try to impart their wisdom to the next generation of young men and women in their community.
Since the plot of this film largely revolves around a Jewish ceremony, let’s touch on that for a moment.
The bat mitzvah (or bar mitzvah, if you’re a boy) is a ceremony that marks the start of adulthood for 13-year-olds in the Jewish faith. The ritual involves reading from the Torah, several prayers spoken in Hebrew and, as I mentioned before, a mitzvah, which is a good deed performed as a religious duty.
Many scenes take place in a synagogue. Stacy’s rabbi is a woman, indicating that their denomination of Judaism is a bit more progressive. We hear references to some Old Testament characters.
Several elderly women tell Stacy that they never had bat mitzvahs themselves since women are “born into the kingdom of God.” And when Stacy later brings this up during an argument with her dad, he tells Stacy that God may not want Stacy in His kingdom with how she’s been behaving lately. (It’s meant to be a warning for Stacy to shape up, but his rebuke still feels pretty severe.)
Stacy tries to use her mitzvah as a way of getting God to answer her prayers. (And we hear Stacy pray multiple times throughout the film.) She even notes how doing a good deed in order to get good deeds in return is more of a Buddhist concept than Jewish, but she sticks with it.
Mateo, a boy from Stacy’s school, isn’t Jewish. He tells Stacy that he attends church every Sunday but that he comes to the synagogue to volunteer the rest of the week to fill the other six days with something spiritual—even if it’s not strictly Christian.
We see a couple of characters cross themselves, including a Jewish rabbi once. Stacy’s rabbi explains that God allows bad things to happen because He’s “random.”
Stacy and several other girls have crushes on a boy named Andy. The camera comically goes into slow-motion whenever Stacy sees him at school. And for obvious reasons, this causes some strife.
Andy first sets his sights on Lydia. And when Stacy spots the pair smooching at a party, the girls argue. After that, Lydia begins “revenge dating” Andy in order to make Stacy jealous.
And man, does that backfire.
Stacy spreads some rumors about Lydia involving female anatomy. And kids at their school make some very crude jokes about this. Later, she badmouths Lydia to Andy, informing him that Lydia lied about the number of boys she had kissed before him. Then Andy shares that information with the rest of their classmates, sparking even more rude rumors.
Eventually, Stacy and Andy kiss as well. But because the “make-out closet” at Hebrew school isn’t available (more on that in a moment), they decide to kiss behind the curtain where the Torah is stored. (Andy manipulates Stacy a bit here, stating that God won’t be angry with them but rather be “stoked” they like each other so much.) They’re caught, and it results in a firm scolding from their rabbi and from Stacy’s dad.
Several students comment on the “make-out closet,” wondering how the kids who “hook up” there are never caught. And at different times, we see young couples exiting the room after kissing. Whether “hooking up” involves more than kissing is a bit vague. But a rumor says a tween boy touched a tween girl’s “underboob.”
Stacy takes and sends some risqué pictures to Andy. (We see her in a revealing, form-fitting dress that shows a good portion of her bra.) In other scenes, several teen girls wear dresses that show a bit too much skin. (A poolside scene also shows the girls in swimsuits, including bikinis.) Stacy attempts to make her breasts look larger in a mirror. And a mother tells her daughter that a pair of high heels makes the girl look like a prostitute.
Videos show Stacy and her friends joking about female genitals and pantomiming some inappropriate acts. We hear some details about Lydia’s parents’ divorce (and her dad says he on six dating apps). Stacy’s parents kiss.
A group of popular girls ask Stacy and Lydia if they like only boys. And there’s a sense of judgment when Stacy and Lydia confirm this. We hear that Andy has two moms. There are some same-sex pairings at a bat mitzvah, though many of these seem to be platonic.
We hear a reference to how David and Bathsheba committed adultery in the Bible.
Stacy’s sister causes another driver to crash into a parked vehicle when she pulls out of a spot without looking. (She drives off, oblivious to the chaos she’s caused.) Ironically, the same driver later crashes into another vehicle by doing the same thing.
A girl gets knocked to the ground when she’s accidentally hit in the face with a soccer ball. We hear about a foreign coming-of-age ceremony wherein young adults wear gloves filled with fire ants, allowing themselves to be bitten repeatedly. A teen girl is seen with bandages on her legs, armpits and even upper lip—all from attempts to shave off hair.
We hear a rumor that a girl who jumped off a high cliff into water wound up paralyzed. And despite some warnings, Stacy gives in to peer pressure and leaps off the same cliff (though she’s unharmed).
An elderly woman tells a story about someone who died by suicide. Some people jokingly exchange death threats. A girl tells her dad that she hopes he dies before her mom (though she doesn’t mean it).
We hear the s-word eight times. There are also multiple uses of “a–,” “d–n” and “h—.” God’s name is abused about 40 times, once paired with “d–n.” Christ’s name is also abused twice.
Stacy calls some peers “a-holes” while in temple and her rabbi urges her to keep her language “PG.” A boy uses crude hand gestures; when his grandmother sees, not knowing what the gesture means, she does the same.
An adult convinces Stacy’s sister, Ronnie, and her best friend, Zaara, to do shots with her at a party. Later, when Ronnie tells her dad, he’s shocked. But she reassures him that she hated the taste. Stacy begs her parents for a nonalcoholic mojito bar at her bat mitzvah. In an argument, Stacy tells her dad that he’ll be the reason she starts doing drugs, and he retorts that she’ll be the reason he does, too. An adult makes a joke about getting drunk.
Many elderly members of the Jewish community lament how bar and bat mitzvahs have devolved into lavish parties instead of being the earnest expressions of faith they were in previous generations. When Stacy’s parents reject some of her more expensive party ideas, she suggests they use her college fund to pay for it (which they also wisely decline to do). However, despite some frugal purchases made earlier in the film, they eventually cave to many of Stacy’s demands and spend an inordinate amount of money on her bat mitzvah.
And speaking of spending too much on these blowout celebrations, many of the teens don’t take the religious aspects seriously. They use their mitzvahs to virtue signal. Or they only participate because of threats to be grounded by their parents. One girl allegedly attends a posh concert to pass out sunscreen to celebrities as her “good deed.”
Several jokes involve the subject of menstruation. And Stacy is humiliated when her sanitary napkin comes off while swimming. (The boys present make several inappropriate and inaccurate comments. Several of the girls defend Stacy and call the boys out for their ignorance, though sadly to little effect.)
We hear some stories and jokes about urine and vomit. Videos show a girl passing gas in another girl’s face on purpose.
Characters lie. People are sometimes rude to each other. Tweens can sometimes be awful to one another. Stacy and her friends sometimes act selfishly, being petty and bratty to each other and to their parents.
Stacy and her dad get into a shouting match when she makes a bad decision. And while her dad is rightly upset, losing his temper isn’t OK.
Two teen girls watch R-rated horror movies to pass the time. We also hear that a kindergarten-aged girl is allowed to play an M-rated video game.
Some adults act immaturely. A woman makes every attempt to spend all of her husband’s money before their divorce is finalized. (And this includes buying expensive gifts for their daughter as a kind of consolation prize.)
We hear a teen’s party theme accidentally had the initials “KKK” and that she was shunned thereafter for being “racist.”
One girl’s mom won’t let her get “lip fillers” but will allow her to get Botox injections. An adult DJ mocks a child for his music preferences. He also continues to play a humiliating video of a teen girl because he thinks the crowd loves it. A man illegally parks in a handicapped spot to appear cool.
Oh, the teen angst!
I’d like to say I wasn’t so dramatic when I was in 7th grade, but I probably was. We all probably were.
Stacy thinks that her bat mitzvah is the most important day of her life. That’s why she’s spent the past 13 years planning it.
But let’s face it, for the most important day in her spiritual life—and an equally significant one in her community, she sure isn’t taking it very seriously. Even her rabbi says so.
However, Stacy realizes that coming of age isn’t so much about being an “adult” as it is about starting a new chapter of her life. Because really, she’s still a kid with a lot to learn from the grown-ups around her. (As evidenced by her dad literally throwing her over his shoulder and forcing her to attend her bat mitzvah instead of letting her pout at home.)
Adam Sandler stars and produces this PG-13 film. And as is pretty typical for his films, there’s some adult language and innuendo to watch out for, as well as some passing references to LGBT characters.
But most of the boy-girl drama going on here feels pretty restrained, really. Some teen couples smooch. And we hear some nasty rumors about teen girls, but that’s all they seem to be. Rumors.
It might help that sisters Stacy and Ronnie are played by Sandler’s own two daughters, Sunny and Sadie. But when I think about some of the previous Sandler films I’ve reviewed, it’s nice to see him lean into a family role.
Now, being a family-based movie doesn’t necessarily mean it’s completely family-friendly. There’s still some content here that some parents won’t want to dive into. But a surprising number of poignant moments turn up, too.
Emily studied film and writing when she was in college. And when she isn’t being way too competitive while playing board games, she enjoys food, sleep, and geeking out with her husband indulging in their “nerdoms,” which is the collective fan cultures of everything they love, such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate and Lord of the Rings.
