Plenty of brides (and probably a fair number of grooms, too, for that matter) have gotten cold feet just shy of the altar. When that's the setup for a country song, however, you can be certain the drama has only just begun. And so it has on "Somethin' Bad," where Miranda Lambert is joined by Carrie Underwood to narrate a raucous tale that's one part Runaway Bride, two parts Thelma & Louise.
Their stomp-'n'-guitar-filled story commences on the Runaway Bride side of things. "Pulled up to the church but I got so nervous," Lambert begins, "Had to bag it on up, couldn't make it to the service."
And then things begin to slip 'n' slide toward Thelma & Louise.
Without even bothering to replace her wedding dress with something less formal, our matrimony-avoiding protagonist rushes home and snatches up her savings ("Grabbed all the cash underneath my mattress"). Unburdened from the apparent specter of lifelong commitment and flush with Benjamins, she gushes, "Got a real good feelin' somethin' bad about to happen."
And so it does. Though it's not immediately the kind of bad you might be brainstorming.
The beautiful not-quite-bride is apparently just walking down the street when another woman (Carrie Underwood) drives up next to her. "Ran into a girl in a pretty white dress," croons Carrie. "Rolled down the window, 'Where you headed to, miss?'" Lambert's answer: "Said 'I'm headed to the bar with my money out the mattress/Got a real good feeling somethin' bad about to happen.'"
The bar is indeed the ladies' next stop, where they drink themselves into memory-lapsed oblivion ("Drinks keep comin', throw my head back laughin'/Wake up in the morning, don't know what happened/Oh … somethin' bad/Oh … somethin' bad"). Then it's off on a spontaneous road trip fueled by all that moolah from the mattress and the desire to get out of town fast: "Now me and that girl got it made on the street/Now we're rollin' down the road to New Orleans/Got a tank full of gas and the money out the mattress."
You know what's coming next: "Got a real good feeling somethin' bad about to happen."
So it might be a little odd that other than getting very drunk at the aforementioned bar, we never get a clear look at exactly how bad things really do get. This is as much as the girls are willing to disclose: "'Bout to tear it up down in New Orleans/Just like a real life Thelma and Louise/If the cops catch up, they gonna call it kidnapping."
Yep, and then it's right there again, that pounding, nearly gleeful refrain that shows up no fewer than 11 times: "Got a real good feeling somethin' bad about to happen."
Maybe these two countrified gangsters never saw the end of the movie.