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Movie Review

Bull Mountain, Alaska, is home to some of the grungiest, dumbest and most sex-crazed snowboarders on the planet. Rick and his pals (Luke, Pig Pen and Anthony) work for the town’s run-down ski resort, but it’s not really clear what they do to earn a paycheck since all moviegoers see them doing is either mixing it up on the fresh powder or hanging out at the town bar guzzling mixed drinks. The amount of alcohol these fellows consume defies decent description. They down more bottles of Wild Turkey before lunch than most hard boozers manage in a week. From conversations exchanged, viewers learn that the alcohol is often combined with such drugs as marijuana. Unabashed skirt chasing usually accompanies such actions on the big screen, but there are so few women in Bull Mountain that the guys mostly just fantasize about it (their erotic dreams, of course, are revealed for all to see).

It’s into this blissful world of white snow and tranquil small-town life that slick entrepreneur John Majors intrudes, all set to buy out the ski resort and spruce it up. He’s hoping to create Aspen-North, but he’s not prepared for the locals’ surly commitment to the "way things used to be." Majors’ investors come for a visit and boy are they in for a big surprise.

While Rick’s buddies are dreaming of a miraculous influx of "hot babes," he pines for a girl named Anna, with whom he had a fling in Cancun. Would it surprise anyone to learn that Anna is John Majors’ daughter? Let the dude-fest begin.

positive elements: It would be nice to say that it’s a positive show of camaraderie and friendship when Rick and his buddies bond together to drive Majors out and reclaim their town. But the way of life they’re fighting for is so abhorrent, no amount of rationalization can make that happen.

sexual content: It would seem that if filmmakers refrain from actually showing select body parts, they can hint at, mime, laugh at and exploit virtually every sexual perversion—and still secure a PG-13 rating. Beyond objectifying nearly every woman onscreen, and reducing every man to a slobbering sexual zombie, Out Cold parodies bestiality (a polar bear licks Luke’s naked private parts after his buddies leave him—covered in salt—passed out in the snow), masturbation and mutilation (Luke inserts his penis into a hot tub’s water jet and gets stuck), and homosexuality (the town’s bar owner "comes out" to the guys, and several scenes show men "pretending" to make out with each other). Pig Pen dreams of rescuing a bevy of buxom beauties from a stalled ski lift. He orders them to remove their bikini tops in order to—wink, wink—fashion a makeshift rope. They oblige. In that scene (and in others) girls bare their breasts (back and side nudity is shown). Guys bare their backsides. Bull Mountain’s founder was famous for skiing with his pants pulled down to moon spectators. A statue of him in such a position honors his legacy. Pig Pen logs onto a lesbian Internet chat room (an online graphic shows one woman removing another’s clothes) and pretends to be a woman. He chats with a person he thinks is female, but moviegoers see that it is in fact another man. They type each other into a frenzy. Then the camera shows Pig Pen’s online "suitor" sitting pants-less in front of his computer. Detestable.

violent content: Horseplay between buddies is harsh. They pummel and punch each other repeatedly. They push each other down and generally try to humiliate and hurt one another. All in the name of fun. "Real" fistfights occur as well.

Majors is lassoed around the leg and dragged out of town where he’s released to hurtle down the mountain. Before he stops sliding, he crashes into a porta-potty, which turns upside-down in a tree (he’s still inside). Snowboarding wipe-out blooper shots show guys smashing themselves up on the slopes. Falling from helicopters. Careening off rocks and trees. Cartwheeling through the powder. After a paraplegic announces that he has no feeling in his legs, Pig Pen hits him to see if it hurts. A man is carried to an ambulance with what looks like a boot protruding from his backside.

crude or profane language: Non-stop profanity and anatomical slang include at least three s-words. God’s name is abused a dozen times.

drug and alcohol content: Excessive. The entire movie looks like an out-of-control frat party. Luke frequently passes out from drinking too much. An annual "King of the Mountain" contest has participants snowboarding down the slopes holding full mugs of beer. Whoever has the most left inside at the bottom of the mountain wins. It’s an accepted fact in Bull Mountain that drugs are a normal part of life. When Majors announces that all employees will have to undergo a drug test, Pig Pen mutters that he doesn't need a test to know he uses drugs.

other negative elements: One of the guys submits his urine sample with excrement floating in it. Flatulence (and the excretion of bodily fluids) is played for laughs several times. Majors frequently refers to the current owner of the mountain as a "retard."

conclusion: Out Cold was created to appeal to preteen boys. And so it does. The only others in the theater with me were young boys. A crowd of them. They threw M&Ms around the theater. They ran up and down the aisles. And from the corners of their eyes they absorbed some of the most damaging images, life lessons and amoral messages you could imagine. Sex. Lust. Nudity. Perversion. Selfishness. Dangerous and abusive pranks. Wild living. Alcohol and drug abuse. Foul language. Lewd behavior. Meanness. Disrespect. Make sure your sons (or daughters) never see what they did.

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