Just Married opens as young Sarah and Tom Leezak deplane from a hellacious European honeymoon. They’re spiteful and abusive to each other. Tom vents to a pal, “I had the perfect relationship that was ruined by marriage. … Why does anyone get married?” (Some teens may leave the theater asking the same question.) Before the newlyweds can kill each other, the movie flashes back to their initial meeting and night of passion, followed by months of cohabitation and the wedding Sarah’s upscale family didn’t want to see happen. Then the misadventurous honeymoon.
From the French Alps to the canals of Venice, it’s one disaster after another. Disillusionment and distrust snowball. The marriage is doomed. Or is it? Back in California, Tom’s dad tells him, “You never see the hard days in a photo album, but they’re what get you from one happy photo to the next.” In other words, marriage takes work. And it’s worth it. Tom rushes to rejoin his wife, promising to love her unconditionally. Ditto for her. Everyone leaves happy … except discerning viewers.
Closing moral notwithstanding, the rest of this romantic comedy obsesses over sex. Characters discuss it, pursue it and overhear it. Jokes are aimed at viewers tickled by flatulence, sex toys, body cavity searches and a botched attempt at making love in an aromatically befouled airplane lavatory. It seems every third scene involves alcohol, and profanities include misuses of Christ’s name. The point about couples persevering through trials is good, but amid the myriad skewed values in this film, it may have all the adhesive properties of a sticky note.
