They’ve graduated, and they lost their virginity in the process. They’ve had their debauched summer break. They had the big wild wedding. Now it’s high time for the raunchy reunion.
And Jim Levenstein, for one, is looking forward to it. It’ll be a shot in the arm to see the old gang again. It’s not that he isn’t happy with his life. He loves his wife and kid, of course. But … things have been rather flat as of late. And his sex life with Michelle has suffered since their son’s birth. Having a drink or two with his old pals will be a welcome break from the routine.
He’s not the only one who feels that way. Kevin is a househubby who feels more than a little trapped. Oz is the host of an ESPN-like cable sports show and has a super-hot model girlfriend … but that’s not keeping him from pining for the supposedly down-home simplicity of yesteryear. Finch blows in with tales of globetrotting Bohemian adventures … but it’s not like he’s got anybody special to cling to. And Stifler, well, he still lives with his mom and is floundering around in a dead-end job.
Time to relive the glory days! Get a little crazy! Shake things up! Wake up on the kitchen floor naked from the waist down!
In spite of the strain they’re feeling from a lack of intimacy and the fact that Jim eventually admits he recently landed himself in a number of compromising situations, both he and Michelle make it clear that they deeply love each other. Jim’s dad speaks of how much he adored Jim’s dearly departed mom. And Kevin states that even though he still feels a bit of attraction toward his former girlfriend, he is fully committed to his wife. Jim and his friends talk about their close bonds and how those friendships will always be a part of them.
Jim’s dad watches a video of his son’s bar mitzvah.
American Reunion doesn’t just reunite the old gang. It also reunites American Pie’s sexual sensibilities with celluloid, playing fast and loose with playing fast and loose. Nearly every single minute of its 113 is consumed by sexual conversations or lewd images of some type. It never for a second hesitates to display and celebrate sexual hookups and situations—straight, gay and solo.
The opening scene features Jim masturbating, accompanied by a tube sock full of KY jelly and a moaning porn film. When he’s surprised by his 2-year-old son, he drops the gooey sock on the boy’s face and runs into the bathroom to seek his wife’s help … only to find her in the tub masturbating with the shower head extension.
It doesn’t get any better from there.
Jim’s the guy who wakes up in the kitchen without his pants and underwear. He grabs a kettle cover to hide himself, but his female friend points out that it’s a glass lid. And the camera makes certain we all clearly see what he’s trying to hide. Kara, the 18-year-old neighbor girl Jim used to babysit, decides she wants to lose her virginity to him (in his car), so she waggles her nearly bare backside inches from his face, removes her top and gropes at his crotch. She’s subsequently knocked unconscious, leading to explicit oral sex jokes and a long scene in which Jim carries around her nearly naked form—her breasts swinging free and slapping him in the face. (Jim’s young son sees his dad carrying Kara.)
We see Jim’s dad getting oral sex in a dimly lit theater. There’s a barely obscured scene of public intercourse. Scores of young women wear (very) low-cut tops, formfitting clothes and the skimpiest of bikinis. Men flex their bare backsides. Numerous straight and gay couples paw and kiss. Porn magazines make appearances, and characters talk about their contents. We hear about everything from past sexual excursions to temporary assists for erectile dysfunction. Stifler exchanges sexual favors with a former acquaintance, ogles and slaps complete strangers, and has sex with the mother of one of the other guys.
Kara’s knocked unconscious when her forehead slams into a car’s steering wheel. Jim drops her a few times, and we’re supposed to laugh as she flops limply to the ground. Startled while masturbating, Jim slams his penis in his laptop, which results in a drop of blood staining the front of his boxer shorts. A number of guys get into a fistfight in Stifler’s yard: They wrestle and punch each other repeatedly in the face and body. Michelle joins in, whipping one guy with a horse crop.
Close to 50 f-words. More than 20 s-words. There are about 10 uses each of “b‑‑ch,” “a‑‑” and “h‑‑‑.” God’s and Jesus’ names are used and abused at least 25 times. Crude, rude and lewd names are assigned to male and female genitalia.
Booze buries a beach party (featuring a crowd of teens), bar gatherings, private bashes and the class reunion itself. While tossing back beer, wine and various kinds of hard liquor, some of the partiers—Jim in particular—get seriously wasted. Kevin also wakes up unable to figure out how he wound up naked in someone’s bed. Jim’s dad reluctantly starts doing shots with Stifler, ending up drunk and hanging outside someone’s window.
Folks also smoke marijuana, including Jim’s dad and Stifler’s mom.
Stifler is the source and motivator of all manner of crude gags and destruction. Among other things, he defecates in someone’s beer cooler and destroys a set of jet skis by tying them to his truck.
American Reunion would like us to know that committed relationships and friendships rule! It would also like us to know that it doesn’t care a whit about whether committed relationships and friendships rule ’cause it’s far more interested in moving on to the next embarrassing oral sex act in public.
So is this really a reunion or just a “reason” to get raunchy? Or is an American Pie reunion by definition raunchy? (Sigh.) Who knows, perhaps in another decade they’ll all get back together for American Mid-Life Crisis, American Empty Nest or American Geezers. All I can hope is that I’m not still writing reviews by then. That way I won’t have to see it.
But you’re way ahead of me here. You don’t have to see this one.
After spending more than two decades touring, directing, writing and producing for Christian theater and radio (most recently for Adventures in Odyssey, which he still contributes to), Bob joined the Plugged In staff to help us focus more heavily on video games. He is also one of our primary movie reviewers.
